Scott Brown’s Hit List
1. Vanessa Hudgens will not play a werewolf in the next Twilight movie She says she can’t grow a coat that thick and glossy until at least 2011.
2. The Smithsonian Institution asks Aretha Franklin to donate her now-iconic inaugural hat to its collection Unfortunately, she had a better offer from the Ripley’s Believe It or Not! in Atlantic City.
3. Ringling Bros. circus names newborn elephant Barack They also named a newborn donkey Limbaugh, an experiment in bipartisanship that will surely end in tears.
4. Jonathan Rhys Meyers reminds us that the real Henry VIII was ”quite a prude” ”He was also, unlike me, a renowned fat ass.”
5. Kim Kardashian skips Super Bowl to film a workout video for full-figured people She knew there’d be a lot more of them after the Super Bowl.
6. Heidi Klum supports a curvier Jessica Simpson ”Are we voting for a stamp?” she then asked. ”Because I regret casting my ballot for ‘thin Elvis’ in ’92.”
7. Tommy Lee’s helicopter pilot is reportedly nabbed for erratic flying Oh, Sully! Fame went to your head, and you fell in with the wrong crowd.
8. Cassidy brothers to star in sitcom about a Cassidy-like family of former teen idols ”It’s total fiction,” says Shaun. ”The part where we tie Shirley Jones to the roof of a bus? Mere whimsy.”
9. Bon Jovi inducted into New Jersey Hall of Fame I always thought that was a euphemism for having your body dumped in the Meadowlands.
10. Bruce Springsteen regrets releasing an album exclusively through Walmart, saying, ”We were in the middle of doing a lot of things…” ”That day? Let’s see, that day Bono and I were fighting off a legion of Skrulls hell-bent on conquering Earth.”