At 8 p.m., Mandi and I gratefully leapt from red carpet land (where Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic were pretending the 2009 Golden Globes are the most important thing ever) to NBC’s telecast (where everyone else in Hollywood got to do the same). We hope you’ll digest the spectacle with us. Know what’ll help it go down? Alcohol!
Mandi: Jennifer Lopez opens the show in a gold dress that makes the audience (and herself) giggle.
Mandi: Mama announces that Kate Winslet wins for The Reader. I love how this music playing compares to the Pussycat Dolls they played a moment ago.
Annie: Yeah, culture shock! I love how no one’s cutting Kate off from her discush of hair and makeup, as she’s the first winner.
Mandi: She’s just lovely. And disappointingly sober.
Annie: Aww, she adds “-er” to first names (like her daughter, Mia) just like Cat Deeley.
Mandi: Okay, I want to be at Robert Downey Jr.’s table. Did you see him cracking up behind Clint Eastwood?
Annie: Oh good, I was wondering when we’d first get to see Miley Cyrus’ tongue.
Mandi: Bruce Springsteen wins best original song in a motion picture for The Wrestler, and says he knows it’s the only time he’ll be in competition with Clint Eastwood. Knowing how seriously Clint Eastwood takes his music, I’m not sure he found it as funny as the rest of the audience did.
Mandi: First commercial break and the stars are up and running around the Beverly Hilton ballroom like rats in a New York subway station. Anne Hathaway literally skipped over to Laura Linney. I’ll have what she’s having.
Annie: Drugs, I think. Oh no wait, wrong persona.
Annie: Did you see Robert Downey Jr.’s face upon the announcement of Simon and Eva? Maybe he can’t believe how hot Simon Baker is, either, Mandi. You guys have so much in common.
Mandi: TV stars really don’t get respect. The room wouldn’t shut up for Simon and Eva Longoria. The award for best supporting actor in a TV series, miniseries or movie goes to Tom Wilkinson for HBO’s John Adams.
Annie: Alec Baldwin looks like he’s sucking on some sour candy. Or maybe he just felt something in his ball?
Mandi: I need Renee Zellweger to get up onstage so I can see just how ugly her dress is.
Mandi: Best supporting actress in a TV series, miniseries or movie goes to Laura Dern for HBO’s Recount. Danny Strong sighting! The former Buffy and Gilmore Girls star wrote Recount.
Annie: But let’s not overlook Laura Dern’s most important distinction: MIss Golden Globe, 1982.
Mandi: I have to say, the ladies are taking some serious risks with their hair tonight. I don’t get Laura’s. Is it supposed to be hanging down on the left side like that?
Annie: I don’t know, but she should never go fluffy.
Mandi: I have to agree with our reader, Wesley. Rumer Willis does look great. During the E! pre-show, Ryan Seacrest didn’t realize he was back on the air and we got to hear him call her “stunning” and tell her that he loved her hair and that her dress was “very pretty.” Rumer also said she and her sisters enjoyed watching dad Bruce in Moonlighting because “he had hair and he was really funny.”
Annie: Yes, hair is hilarious.
Mandi: “Hotel for Dogs star Don Cheadle.” Pretty sure he wants to die now.
Mandi: But not until he gets cast in a Coen Brothers movie.
Annie: Haha, he called Brad Pitt dumb. Who else in the audience could get away with that?
Annie: Probably Miley Cyrus.
Mandi: President of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association promises a short speech, and the crowd cheers. Well done, sir!
Mandi: JON HAMM makes it all better. Good. Lord.
Annie: He always does. Speaking of categories that are “prestigious,” it’s Hayden and Zac Efron!
Mandi: Zac Efron’s hair is hurting me.
Mandi: Best actor in a TV drama goes to Gabriel Byrne for HBO’s In Treatment. Couldn’t they have had Jon Hamm accept it for him? I need to see that tux walk.
Mandi: The new Kirk and Spock present best actress in a TV drama to… Anna Paquin for HBO’s True Blood.
Annie: Really, Hollywood Foreign Press? REALLY?
Mandi: You need to simmer down, HBO.
Mandi: They need to have E!’s pre-show Star Tracker on Anne Hathaway all night. That girl is getting around.
Mandi: “How rude are you lot, just ’cause you’re film stars?” GO RICKY GERVAIS.
Annie: “I can’t believe I’m not nominated” might be code for “How funny am I being up here at the microphone right now? Can you believe they didn’t ask me to host the Oscars? I can’t either…”
Mandi: The Jonas Brothers present best animated feature film to… WALL-E. We saw that together, Annie. We cried. And spent 15 minutes after the film saying all of our colleagues’ names in WALL-E speak.
Annie: I don’t know what you mean, Maa-ahhh-end-iiiiiii.
Annie: Finally, someone who doesn’t appear totally sober: Johnny Depp.
Mandi: Johnny Depp and his bad hair present best actress in a motion picture musical or comedy to Sally Hawkins for Happy-Go-Lucky. She’s so emotional.. and skinny.
Annie: SO skinny, jeez. I didn’t realize. Can her speech possibly go on as long as it took for her to get up to the stage?
Annie: Officially, yes.
Annie: Has Drew Barrymore been Kissing Jessica Lange? They look very cozy. And, as our commenters have pointed out, Drew’s sporting some wicked bed head.
Mandi: Jessica Lange said in the preshow she’s nervous, and only there to promote their film, which I won’t mention here so her appearance was in vain.
Mandi: They present the award for best TV miniseries or movie to… HBO’s John Adams. Exec producer and speed talker Tom Hanks accepts.
Annie: Supporting actor. I wouldn’t mind if Ralph Fiennes won this. I loved him in The Duchess. I clearly have no respect for the deceased.
Mandi: I’m pretending I don’t know you right now. Heath Ledger wins best supporting actor for The Dark Knight.
Mandi: Director Chris Nolan accepts the award on Heath’s behalf with a short, sweet, somber (but not too somber) speech.
Annie: Very classy, and for once no one in the audience is smirking.
Mandi: Now that we’re at commercial, can I say that Demi Moore’s neckline was the wrong choice for her?
Annie: I guess you could.
Mandi: I love Brian Grazer’s hair.
Mandi: Colin Farrell presents best foreign language film to… wait, did he just say “I have a cold… It’s not the other thing it used to be?”
Annie: Way to reference your former drug habit, Colin Farrell!
Mandi: The winner: Israel’s Waltz With Bashir.
Annie: Oh I love that…”an ancient videogame that has nothing to do with their lives whatsoever.”
Annie: Here are the nominees for most ferocious(ly bad) dress: Maggie Gyllenhaal! Maggie will be running unopposed.
Mandi: It’s a little Fashion Bug Formal. Yet, not bad for her.
Mandi: Best actress in a miniseries or TV movie goes to… Laura Linney for HBO’s John Adams.
Annie: Hooray! Love her. IMPORTANT: I think they changed the backdrop from the “bubbles on a blue background” to the grid of sparkly squares, just to match Laura Linney’s dress. NICE.
Mandi: Is there anyone who doesn’t love Laura Linney?
Annie: Speak up if you dare…
Mandi: Who was that guy who was trying to tell his friend to shut up because the camera was on them? I laughed so hard I got distracted from admiring the handsome Gerard Butler, who introduced In Bruges.
Annie: Coke Joke tally: 2. Thanks, Seth Rogen! Let’s try to up it 6 by 11 p.m., everyone.
Mandi: No cut to Mickey Rourke though. Cameraman was asleep. He and Elizabeth Banks present best screenplay to Slumdog Millionaire scribe Simon Beaufoy.
Mandi: Patrick Dempsey and Amy Poehler present best actor in a TV comedy to… Alec Baldwin for NBC’s 30 Rock. Alec says he feels old remembering that he used to bring Rumer Willis a juicebox on movie sets. He was funnier in E!’s pre-show.
Annie: The whole show should be dubbed in the Dempsey/Poehler echo effect from now on. Sidenote: I’m loving how the presenters’ character descriptions sound so insulting…”arrogant network executive”…”detective who won’t shake my hand if he wins”…and earlier, “aging stripper” and the ever-popular “spinster.”
Annie: Is this a joke? I’m going to see the contours of Renee Zellweger’s strapless bra in my nightmares tonight.
Mandi: Terence Howard and Megan Fox, who overshared in E!’s pre-show, present best actor in a miniseries or TV movie to Paul Giamatti for HBO’s John Adams.
Annie: “What a job.” It got Paul smoking again.
Mandi: Glenn Close and Laurence Fishburne present best TV comedy to… wait, that was racy clip for Californication!
Annie: And a rather racist one for 30 Rock!
Mandi: 30 Rock wins!
Annie: Deal with it, Cate Blanchett. (?!)
Mandi: Tina Fey is working some serious cleavage tonight. Tracy Morgan speaks on behalf of Fey because he says they made a bet that if Barack Obama won the election, he would speak for the show from now on. He just called Jeff Zucker JZ.
Annie: Deal with it, Jay-Z!
Mandi: I can’t believe they let Pierce Brosnan introduce the Mamma Mia! clip, when he was the worst singer in the movie.
Annie: Way to give the ending away, Brosnan.
Mandi: Kate Beckinsale looked like she was going to be sick while Diddy introduced the soundtrack category…The winner is Slumdog Millionaire!
Annie: Kate’s earrings remind me of Wilhelmina’s on this week’s Ugly Betty. Backhanded compliment: “Those earrings make your face look small.”
Mandi: David Duchovny wants his son to know that he’s happy even though he just lost his category. He also wants us to know that he’s still married to Tea Leoni. Tina Fey wins for best actress in a comedy.
Annie: Trash those Internet haters, Boobs McTina Fey!
Annie: WHOA: I just wondered if Jim Halpert was trying to get me to switch to Verizon, and Dominique just asked that SAME QUESTION in our comments. So, without so much as a simple Google search to be sure, I think we’ve got our answer. Two whole people can’t be wrong.
Annie: Time for the Cecil B. DeMille Award, from Scorsese to Spielberg. Or, in the highbrow words of commenter Curt, “Time to take a dump.”
Mandi: I enjoyed the story of Spielberg’s fate being sealed in 1952, when his dad took him to see his first movie, DeMille’s The Greatest Show on Earth. He lost me when he started talking about mentors.
Annie: Best Bauble in an Awards Show or TV Miniseries: Emma Thompson’s enormous blue diamond ring.
Mandi: I love how much Emma Thompson towers over Dustin Hoffman. They present best director to…Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire.
Annie: NICE. Cue Bollywood-style dancealong!
Mandi: “Mad, pulsating affection” — my favorite phrase ever.
Mandi: GG for me still stands for Gilmore Girls, Danny Boyle.
Annie: Grape Goobers
Mandi: Sandra Bullock presents best actor in a movie comedy to Colin Farrell for In Bruges. Can we get another coke joke?
Annie: I…[sniff]…hope so! Though his high-energy ramble is pretty much doing the trick itself…
Annie: I LOVE Colin’s plaid vest. So festive. Also, I want to use “Flemish” in a blog post just because I’ve never before.
Annie: I tend to not recognize Sacha Baron Cohen without a ridiculous costume.
Annie: I had a feeling Guy Ritchie was one of Madonna’s personal assistants! It’s okay to laugh, audience members. Look alive.
Mandi: Cohen presents best motion picture comedy to Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
Annie: Yay! I just watched a screener of that today and can’t get the repetitive “Barcelona” part of the score out of my head. But at least that’s fitting…right this second.
Mandi: Cameron Diaz’s pink dress is hideous.
Annie: She somehow ruined a not very complicated scripted bit. But I actually dig the dress!
Mandi: You also like the costumes on Dancing With the Stars. Cameron and Mark Wahlberg present best actress in a movie drama to Kate Winslet for Revolutionary Road. Kate is amazing. She did something no one else on earth could: Forget Angelina Jolie’s name!
Annie: “Who’s the other one?” Hahaha. Don’t be sorry, Kate! She’s right, this book RULES. Everyone: Read it first.
Annie: SPOTTED: S and D, admittedly out of their element as “TV actors.” (Ha!)
Mandi: “It’s just television,” says Rainn Wilson when the best comedy nominees don’t get clips shown because the show is now running long…because Kate Winslet wasn’t expecting to be a two-time winner. Mad Men wins!
Annie: YESSSSSSSSSSSS MAD MEN. Bop along to the jazzy version of the theme song!
Mandi: I wonder if NBC would have cut the clips if the network had a show in contention?
Annie: Better question: How is Christina Hendricks not wearing something low-cut in a jewel tone? Crazy!
Annie: Mickey Rourke wins Best Actor for The Wrestler! His hair wins…[crickets].
Mandi: Wrestler director Darren Aronofsky just gave Mickey Rourke the middle finger. Is that a fine?
Annie: I think it’s just fine.
Annie: Spiffy Tom Cruise gives Best Picture to…Slumdog Millionaire!
Mandi: They serve martinis at the Globes as well as champagne? Who knew?
Annie: There should be a whole separate movie called The Girl in the Mustard Dress. Can’t stop staring at Freida Pinto.
Mandi: I guess we were on a delay. They just bleeped a “f—!”
Annie: F— that. Goodnight, everyone — thanks for reading!
Mandi: Come back to EW.com later on for Adam Markovitz’s analysis of the night’s best and worst moments, and Couture Correspondent Meeta Agrawal’s take on the best and worst dressed. (Good luck with that, Renee!)