Scott Brown’s hit list
1. Sharon Osbourne attacks reality show contestant, allegedly pulls out part of her weave That’s what the ancient Spartans used to do: Rip out part of your weave and show it to you. Classic move.
2. Jon Bon Jovi will perform to help pay down Hillary Clinton’s campaign debt In return, she’s promised to end the long-running investigation into who actually gave love a bad name.
3. World reacts to news of a Nicollette Sheridan/David Spade coupling There are so many questions. Will they share the same hair rinse? And…and…okay, just the one question.
4. Nick Cannon says he’ll ”multiply” with Mariah Carey This explains his new nickname for her: ”Fruitful.”
5. Carmen Electra on achieving nuptial bliss: ”Do not get married at the drive-thru in Vegas” Others include ”Don’t let Dennis Rodman wear white” and ”Don’t marry Dennis Rodman.”
6. Hotel guests compare Lindsay Lohan’s New Year’s Eve fight with Samantha Ronson to ”a bad movie” They’re going to have to be more specific — are we talking Georgia Rule bad or I Know Who Killed Me bad?
7. Howard Stern announces the birth of Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn’s twins They wanted to send lace-trimmed announcements, but couldn’t find any with the proper sound effects or stripper cameos.
8. Prince says his new music will be ”nasty, but it’s not dirty” He’s also bowing a line of ”Prince Chips” that are greasy without being delicious.
9. The Office’s Jenna Fischer says she’s more comfortable getting naked on movie sets than at home Then I guess home must be really drafty, and full of even more surly people wearing headsets.
10. Australians throw sand at Paris Hilton Go easy on them: Australians, like cats, instinctively bury a mess.