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'The Secret Life of the American Teenager' premiere recap: Here comes the bride

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Americanteenagerpremiere_lLast night was the season 2 premiere of my favorite show I inexplicably watch every week even though I’m not sure if I like or not — The Secret Life of the American Teenager, where every character acts like a 15-year-old, regardless of age (I’m looking at you, parental figures), and every minute plot point is explained in full detail by the characters while it’s happening. Let’s not waste any time chuckling at the fact that the show’s appropriately sponsored by Clean & Clear and get down to business — the two major revelations from last night’s episode.

First, Amy’s mom dropped the bomb that she won’t take care of her grandchild 24/7 when it arrives in three months, and Amy didn’t take it too well. Taking care of the child you bear? A concept only shocking to a 15-year-old. I was shocked because I’m pretty sure child-rearing is in the whole ”parental responsibility” contract you automatically sign when you have a child. Not to mention it was one of the things I thought Amy was taking into consideration during oh, you know, the entire first season, when she debated over keeping the child or not. Though I do appreciate the writers for harping on this point (if a little too obviously), because having your parents’ help is something many teen parents take for granted.

Amy reacted to the news the only way she knew how — by accepting her boyfriend’s ridiculous marriage proposal (seems honorable when faced with a pregnant girlfriend, but I just think it’s weird seeing as Ben isn’t the father). I know Amy was upset because she felt abandoned by her mother, but she should know that no one’s ever abandoned on a Brenda Hampton show! (Just call up the Camdens; they’ll take you in.) Getting married seems like a gross overreaction to a fact you really should have considered a couple of months ago.

The best suspended-reality TV-show moment of thenight, after the jump.

The second revelation of the night came in the form of a wedding.Amy and Ben ACTUALLY got married. In a chapel and everything. I’ll besurprised if the union is legally binding, however, since all partiesinvolved (guests, bridesmaids, and witnesses included) are under 18.Which leads us to the best suspended-reality TV-show moment of thenight: the fact that Amy, Ben, and all their friends had to get fakeIDs for the wedding, which were made IN THE SCHOOL by using a bigcutout of a fake-looking Nevada driver’s license, something I didn’trealize existed outside the realm of Freaks and Geeks. (Kids these days. Haven’t they heard of finding someone’s older sibling who looks kinda like you?)

Last night’s side plots included Amy’s dad moving into the familygarage instead of finding his own apartment (pretty humorous,actually), Adrian possibly switching schools, Amy’s sister talking inan insufferable monotone (oh wait, that’s every week), and Grace’sbrother getting a date who wasn’t an Internet prostitute.

What did you folks think of the premiere? Does the season lookpromising? Do you find Amy’s dad as smarmy and sexist as I do? Do youthink the wedding will turn out to be a not-so-legal union? And how didAmy’s friends find such cute matching bridesmaid dresses so fast?