Hi-yooooo! The third (and reportedly final) season of Rock of Love is finally here! This time around the girls have ditched the palatial pad for a seat on one of two buses following Poison frontman Bret Michaels on his cross-country Rock My World solo tour. Though they’re no longer sunning around a Hollywood pool, last night’s premiere was chock-full of the requisite moments we’ve come to expect from this classy series: Cliques were formed, cat fights were had, topless backstage pass photos were taken, and you better believe there was at least one chick who drank too much tequila, barfed, then immediately made out with Bret.
After the initial backstage pass photo shoot with the rocker, the girls were split between two buses: the pink bus whose occupants are all blonde (save for one spicy Brazilian brunette) and nicknamed the “Blondourage,” while the brunettes (who are, admittedly, a little boring) congregated in the blue bus. Perhaps a redhead should be introduced into the mix as a sort of neutral-party ambassador to help unite the two fighting factions. Sadly, there was no challenge last night, unless you count dancing topless onstage during Bret’s supposedly family-friendly concert or choking your fellow competitor, but the Rock of Love Web site assures me there’s mud football, ice hockey, and a “sexy dance off” to come. Following the concert and a raucous few hours in the hotel, Bret sent five girls — Gia, Heather, Marci, Nikki (pictured), Stephanie — to the curb along with their bubblegum pink luggage, leaving 15 to continue rocking Bret’s world. Here’s how the competition is shaping up:
Rocked hard: As much as Bret “likies” the crazies, in the end, he always seems to pick the most level-headed of the bunch (second season winner Ambre has a master’s degree for goodness’ sake!), so I’m picking Beverly as my first-week favorite. Though the Blondourage heckled her butch boots (chunky heels really are so 1995), the 29-year-old seems to have a good head on her shoulders, admitting right away that she was divorced and making a joke at second season’s Kristy Jo’s expense. (Though I am a little concerned that in addition to Bret, she and her ex agreed that she could have a “free pass” for Ed Norton. Ed Norton? Really?)
Not at all: Even though Nikki (a.k.a. D.J. Lady Tribe) was denied a backstage pass last night, we can’t let her hop off the pink bus without a thorough examination (hazmat suit not optional). This season’s Frenchy (over-inflated boobs and lips, bleach-blond locks, incomprehensible speech), Nikki tried to get noticed by performing a rap for the aging rocker — problem was, the lyrics were penned on the back of informational printouts about gonorrhea and genital warts. Also in need of some rock rehab: Brittaney. During the photo shoot, Bret recognized her immediately — as an adult movie “actress”! Bret seemed less concerned that she was a porn star (probably because, as my roommate surmises, most of these girls must be porn stars), and more concerned that she was needy. I agree that offering Bret a threesome during one of her first conversations with him does reek a wee bit of needy. And gross.
Were you just as grossed out by Nikki and Brittaney as I was, PopWatchers? Who is your favorite to rock Bret’s world? Place your predictions now, and tell us what your favorite moment from last night’s premiere was.