”I hate macadamia nuts. You think they’re white chocolate chips until it’s too late. Stupid Hawaii.”
—Susan (Teri Hatcher), on Desperate Housewives
”If these two can’t produce the Antichrist, then I don’t know who can.”
—Jimmy Kimmel, on the marriage of The Hills‘ Heidi and Spencer, on Jimmy Kimmel Live!
”You’re so disgustingly good, I’m surprised you don’t live with seven dwarves.”
—Andrea (Jennifer Esposito), to goody-two-shoes Samantha (Christina Applegate), on Samantha Who?
”Let me give you an idea of how desperate the economy is here in New York City… The crack dealers are now offering free nachos.”
—David Letterman on Late Show
”Wow, all these years I’ve been petting lambs when I should have been shoving them in my mouth.”
—Bart, after tasting lamb for the first time, on The Simpsons