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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from November 14 to 20

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”It’s very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors.”
—Sheldon (Jim Parsons), explaining his new game of Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock, on The Big Bang Theory

”From now on, if a gay person in California wants to get hitched, they will do it the way God wants: to Liza Minnelli.”
—Stephen Colbert, discussing the passage of Proposition 8, on The Colbert Report

”No hard feelings, but when you’re naked you look like you got kneecaps everywhere.”
—Joy (Jaime Pressly), to ex-fling Donnie, on My Name Is Earl

”Will Smith, Tom Cruise, and Rush Limbaugh are among Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008. Which proves, if nothing else, that Barbara Walters is easily fascinated.”
—Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live