Scott Brown
October 24, 2008 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1. Tom Cruise and Suri spend a day in New York City’s East Village
Writing leftist plays, bebopping to abstract jazz, and drafting excoriating letters to William F. Buckley.

2. Christina Aguilera says she’s ”rooting for” Britney Spears
Once they’ve taken the oath, Mickey Mouse Clubbers look out for each other forever, like Masons or Osmonds.

3. Republican Kelsey Grammer claims he was once bullied into giving $10,000 to Democrats
He also claims Democrats bullied him into making Down Periscope.

4. Jessica Simpson feels that to find the right mate, ”you have to go through…some butthead ones”
Beavis, a fellow Texan, feels horribly jealous and snubbed.

5. Angelina Jolie says action movies like Wanted are ”like therapy” for her
And, like therapy, someone’s head occasionally explodes.

6. John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston reportedly get back together
Each decided they couldn’t live without the other. Also, it was Saturday.

7. Last Titanic survivor is selling mementos to pay for nursing home care
This was the original ending to Titanic, back when it was still a Todd Solondz project.

8. Doctors say the Bee Gees’ ”Stayin’ Alive” has a good beat for performing successful CPR
And if it doesn’t work, it provides a perfect opportunity for the doctor to quip ”This one’s dead as disco.”

9. Porn star lands lead role in new Steven Soderbergh film
I like this new direction he’s taking the sex, lies, and videotape franchise in.

10. George Hamilton says he slept with his stepmother at age 12 — and he’d do it again
But we’re still waiting to hear the story that explains why he’s orange.

You May Like