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Live-blogging E!'s Emmy red-carpet pre-show!

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Ryanguilianaemmys_lHere it is, PopWatchers! The 2008 Emmys pre-show live blog, brought to you by Michael Slezak, Mandi Bierly, Chad Schlegel, and Couture Correspondent™ Meeta Agrawal. Enjoy!

Slezak: Alrighty guys, it’s 7 p.m., which means we can no longer turn away fromthe red-carpet heinoustries happening on E! (I saw Ryan Seacrest askingSteve Carell about “enlarged balls” during hour 1 of the telecast,and thus I placed this item under “The Bad Man Scares Me”). On the count of three, let’s unmute our televisions and let the mockery begin!

Mandi: Jennifer Love Hewitt says the Ghost Whisperer set is haunted. One of the spirits must have given her a spray tan when she was sleeping in her trailer.

Slezak: Dana Delany is going to drink after the Emmys. Which means it’s okay for me to have some wine right now, yes?

Chad: I’m waaay ahead of you.

Slezak: Also, her dress is made from the walls of Studio 54 “vintage from Lily et Cie.”

Slezak: Giuliana would not be doing her job if she didn’t ask about a SATC sequel. Or make mindless comments about handbags.

Mandi: There is clearly no one on the carpet if we’re seeing J. Love AGAIN.

Slezak: I just heard Cynthia Nixon use the phrase “rediscover the joy in her life.” I don’t care for that.

Mandi: Patrick Dempsey just used the phrase “right on.” I like that.

Slezak: January Jones’ gown looks like it’s from the Victoria’s Secret Angels collection. That makes me think of the British lady’s voice saying “the most advanced bra and panty evah!”

Mandi: Ricky Gervais has been with his girlfriend for 25 years. Proof he hasn’t gone Hollywood.

Slezak: I love that Giuliana doesn’t get that Ricky is making a joke that Brad Pitt or George Clooney should play him on a U.S. remake of Extras. So does Ricky, who is chuckling like an amused schoolboy.

Mandi: He has the best laugh ever.

Slezak: This whole bit with the Entourage dudes could’ve been from three years ago, no?

Mandi: Giuliana: “Your body, Nicollette [Sheridan], is rockin’.” Nicolette credits her golden retriever, who likes to run, with giving her her figure. I knew I needed a dog.

Meeta: Did Giuliana just say mustard, ketchup, and yellow to a room of women who probably weren’t allowed to eat today?

Mandi: Giuliana also asked Nicollette what her favorite part of her body is, and she said that’s a horrible question. Suddenly love Nicollette!

Mandi: Teri Hatcher just squealed when she saw Steve Carell on the red carpet. Still don’t love her.

Slezak: Lisa Edelstein looks fabulous, and she’s taken control of the Hatcher interview from Giuliana. Awesome!

Mandi: First commercial break. A good time to catch up on what we missed in the first hour. Josh Groban is doing some crazy singing number, with Muppets.

Slezak: Tim Gunn says Giuliana looks “stunning!” His voice upgrades every adjective.

Slezak: Um, Ryan just referred to Eva Longoria-Parker’s hubby as “TP.”

Mandi: Eva Longoria just said there was a bomb scare and so they stopped the limo line and she had to walk. That is unbelievable… she had to walk!

Slezak: Nope, now she says she took a golf cart. That’s kinda hot.

Chad: Ryan said Eva and TP “started pouring concrete 10 years ago.” Is that some sort of metaphor?

Slezak: Was that a subtle way of asking if she’s pregnant? I seriously have no idea.

Mandi: DAVID BOREANAZ!!!

Slezak: Mandi, breathe deeply and slowly.

Mandi: I knew he would have great socks on. Did Giuliana just ask him if he was wearing matching socks? And did Jeremy Piven just diss my David Boreanaz!?!?!

Slezak: That is a hot-ass sock on Boreanaz! Paul Smith! Probably one sock costs more than my entire outfit.

Meeta: I’m ready to declare it right now — David Boreanaz is best-dressed sock of the night. Take that, Pivs!

Slezak: Julia Louis-Dreyfus looks a-mah-zing! Her dress looks like it could’ve been made with the seatbelts from the Project Runway challenge a few weeks ago.

Mandi: I’m not normally one for coral, but she does look stunning…and young.

Slezak: I like her “that’s good” after getting a cheek kiss from Ryan.

Chad: OMG it’s Joanie from Mad Men! Her D cups runneth over. Luv me some Joanie.

Slezak: Why is Sarah Paulson with Felicity Huffman? Did I miss an Ausiello scoop?

Mandi: Why is Rachel Griffiths wearing brown?

Slezak: OMG. I am gagging on the glamour of a slo-mo recap of Vanessa (L. Yeah) Williams’ mermaid silhouette gown! (Sorry, that was the gayest sentence I ever wrote.)

Chad: The gay bar was raised with “this is ruching, people!”

Slezak: Yes, I am challenging Jay Manuel to a gay-off when this is all done.

Mandi: We need to keep count of how many times you name-drop Vanessa (L. Yeah) Williams tonight.

Slezak: Oh L. YEAH, Mandi! L. YEAH!

Mandi: Notice that I have resisted bringing up Gale Harold, even though we’ve seen all of his Desperate Housewives costars. But now that I have mentioned him, let me just take this opportunity to announce…

Mandi: …that he is shirtless in the first TWO episodes of the season. I’m hoping this is a trend that will continue.

Meeta: Also the Couture Correspondent (TM pending) would like to pointout, that is NOT ruching on America’s skirt but rather artful drapingwith some pin tucks.

Meeta: When real ruching does cross the red carpet, you can be sure EW will be the first to let you know.

Slezak: On a related note, my husband just said, “I can’t believe anyone pays Jay Manuel for anything.” So, Meeta, you pretty much underlined and bolded that statement.

Mandi: One reason that I’m okay that I’m live-blogging from my couch instead of the Nokia Theatre: I’m now eating meatball sliders.

Mandi: I love that someone asked Kevin Bacon to leave Kyra Sedgwick’s side so they could get a decent photo. I think it was his hair.

Meeta: I see Lee Pace and I think pie. Like strawberry-rhubarb pie.

Meeta: Or peach-blueberry pie.

Meeta: Is it okay to have pie for Emmy dinner? Also, why is Lee Pace admitting to Giuliana that he has a speech prepared? Pobre rookie.

Mandi: He’s genuinely nervous, so I’ll allow it.

Chad: Poor Ryan. Couldn’t the producers give him a phone book to stand on?

Slezak: Indeed! Jordin Sparks towered over him, Conan O’Brien makes him look pocket-sized.

Chad: He’s gonna have a nasty crick in his neck by the time this is over.

Meeta: Why is nobody’s hair red anymore? Cynthia Nixon, Conan O’Brien…Did they ban red dye #2 in Hollywood?

Mandi: Jean Smart looks stunning. Very Helen Mirren.

Chad: Is anyone else pissed that Entertainment Weekly is the only magazine that wasn’t adapted for a Dexter ad?

Chad: I can’t believe I’m typing this, but Mary Steenburgen looks hot.

Slezak: And now to make Seacrest look shorter, it’s Brad Garrett, who just said he met his girlfriend at “Sarah Palin’svibrator party” where he was selling promise rings. That’s simply notfunny.

Slezak: And now he made a joke about Bea Arthur’s size. He deserves to be sent to comedy jail…4EVA!

Mandi: Christian Siriano would’ve made Ryan look tall.

Chad: And butch.

Mandi: Holly Hunter just called the Emmys “fun as hell.” I think she scared Ryan.

Mandi: I’m guessing her purple dress scared Meeta??

Meeta: You know me so well! I’m just trying to think happy Vanessa (L. Yeah) Williams thoughts!

Slezak: Meeta, what do you think of Vanessa L. Yeah’s divine gorgeous dress? (And incidentally, Annie Barrett is taunting us in the message boards. I send her a Kelly-style “Oh.”)

Meeta: Love Vanessa L. Yeah’s gown. She took basically every risk in the book — asymmetrical, printed, shading — and she totally pulls it off.

Slezak: Correct!

Slezak: Is that commercial for Sunset Tan a parody? Or does that show actually exist?

Mandi: I love Rita Wilson, but E!’s Glam Cam does not.

Meeta: Did Tom Hanks come back from the future to visit the 2008 Emmys? Can’t think of any other explanation for his lucite sunglasses…

Mandi: Oh no, Ryan is leaving us alone with Giuliana!

Slezak: Why will they only show Bryan Cranston in a postage-stamp-sized box?

Slezak: Is Jay Manuel under contract with Tyra Banks to never publicly speak unless it’s in a sing-song voice?

Slezak: Words of wisdom from Mr. Jay: “You can’t not do fashion when you come to the Emmys, especially if you’re Eva Longoria.”

Mandi: Question from PopWatcher Sarah for Meeta: “Jay Manuel didn’t catch Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ dress designer…Meeta, did you? He is NOT earning his paycheck!!”

Meeta: Rage! I feel rage! How can any red carpet commenter worth their concealer not know that Julia L-D only ever wears Narciso Rodriguez. Usually it’s black and white, but it’s always Narciso.

Slezak: I love feelings of rage while watching Emmys and Emmys red carpet!

Meeta: Can we take a moment for Christina Applegate? Love. Her.

Chad: Agreed.

Mandi: Me, too. I watch that show. And not just for Barry Watson.

Meeta: Sorry to call you out in public, Mandi, but I’m pretty sure you would watch QVC for Barry Watson.

Mandi: That time we spent in offices across the hall from each other comes back to bite me!

Slezak: Hey, don’t knock QVC. It’s a lot more entertaining than What About Brian!

Mandi: I am not the only WAB fan on PopWatch, people. Exhibit A.

Slezak: Grey Goose ads make me thirsty. Especially when he knows there are 3 1/2 hours of Emmy live-blogging to come.

Mandi (shrinking): There is no Exhibit B….Didn’t want to leave you hanging.

Slezak: And on that note, on to the Emmys telecast!

Read our Emmys live-blog.

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