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Sound Bites: The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from Sept 12 to 18

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”Some people are saying McCain chose Sarah Palin to appeal to women who supported Hillary Clinton…. This is crazy. You can’t just replace Hillary Clinton with another woman and think it’ll be okay. Bill Clinton has tried that and it did not go well.”
—Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show

”I can’t make beds with fingernails like these….These are my bitch nails!”
—Janice, in reaction to the models’ less-than-perfect housekeeping skills, on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency

”I have to present myself as the crown jewel, surrounded by other smaller, slightly flawed gems. But quality stones nonetheless.”
—Blair (Leighton Meester), on who should be invited to her ”back to the city” bash, on Gossip Girl

”I did learn something interesting [while at the Atlanta airport]. You have to be a member of the TSA in order to legally perform a cavity search. My apologies to the staff of Cinnabon, but you guys should really keep that extra frosting where the customers can find it.”
—Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report

For daily video recaps of all the best Sound Bites, go to ew.com/soundbites