Something’s wrong with my TV, namely, that whenever I turn it on, I am not greeted by a bent-over ass sheathed in spandex. The Olympics was a delicious drug — I even took a vacation that first week so I could watch them uninterrupted in small-town Michigan. Four! More! Years! Ugh. I’m clearly not ready to let go, so join me in reliving your own Olympics highlights that may or may not consist of actual Olympic events. For example, some of mine:
Gold: Any time any of the swimmers — especially the winning U.S. Men’s 4×100 relay, pictured — helpfully unzipped the back of a teammate’s high-tech bodysuit. I found this THRILLING. They were always like, “Dude…thanks. I needed that.” Not out loud, but you know.
Silver: Misty May-Treanor’s hilariously misguided dance moves down the steps of the Great Wall, with bewildered tourists in the background wondering how a remedially programmed robot got past security. NBC replayed this footage all the time, and why wouldn’t they? (YouTube footage criminally unavailable.)
Bronze: Those people who insisted on riding their bikes alongside the rowers. I can’t be the only one who usually ended up watching them, instead.
Honorable mention goes to fencing (the dramatic black background made it seem like a stage production), Cris Collinsworth’s eminently goofy voice/grin, and that one time Bob Costas said “Ni hao, America” with a completely straight face to kick off the primetime telecast. What about you — is it “They’re finally over” or “Give me back that needle”? Share your personal highlights, below — and we promise, this is the last post.
UPDATE: Wait, ha! Just kidding! Mandi’s writing another one!