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Scott Brown's Hit List

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1. Miley Cyrus says she’s ”super blessed” with ”ability to spread the light”
Other powers include flight, super hair, and the incredible ability to regenerate after a scandal.

2. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt plan Iraq trip
I want to be clear: There can be NO timetable for their return.

3. Tobey Maguire to play crusading civil rights lawyer
Many people don’t realize Thurgood Marshall began his career as a tiny, doe-eyed white dude.

4. Sarah Jessica Parker launches art-competition reality show on Bravo
Four different artist types — the romantic, the realist, the cubist, and, of course, the slut — will meet over Bellinis to decide which art is best.

5. David Lee Roth says speeding driver with nut allergy wasn’t him
”Unlike some people, I can drive 55, and also eat peanuts.”

6. Khloe Kardashian serves less than three hours of her 30-day jail sentence
In her plea deal, she’ll trade time served for spelling her first name in a less ridiculous way.

7. Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn are ”trying to get pregnant”
”If you’re trying, you’re not doing it right,” offered Brad Pitt, unhelpfully.

8. Paul McCartney plays in Quebec, despite protests from nationalists
They’re still smarting from Paul’s notorious 1966 lyric ”Why put gravy on fries?/That’s just dumb.”

9. Court tosses out Super Bowl ”wardrobe malfunction” fine
No! The government needs that half mil in boob money for Fannie Mae!

10. In Web video, Diddy discusses spiritual experience he had on treadmill
”There were two sets of footprints on the treadmill, yo…”

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