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'My Life on the D-List' recap: Australia, Meet Kathy Griffin

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Kathygriffin_lWelcome aboard, PopWatchers, to our self-proclaimed A-List recap of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. I will be your captain today and for the rest of the season. I’d like you to sit back, relax and buckle your seat belt. We may experience some turbulence during our journey, but don’t fret, we’ll be around shortly with hot towels and bags of nuts.

If I didn’t know better I would have thought tonight’s entire episode a jet lag-induced dream sequence courtesy of our feisty, red-haired heroine. But really, you couldn’t make this sh*t up. Here’s a quick recount:

• 1 “Pink Flight” to Australia
• 4 “big and tall and clown-like” drag queens (as phobic Jessica would say)
• 3 former boy banders
• 1 gay Mardi Gras
• 3 gay icons (comedian Margaret Cho, Cyndi Lauper, and Olivia Newton-John)
• 1 Carson Kressley

Sheesh! That’s a lot of crazy. Let’s start from the beginning.

We found out during a company meeting that Kathy had been invitedDown Under to perform at Australia’s gay Mardi Gras. But in true D-listfashion, Kathy eschewed the private jet* for New Zealand Air’s gay”Pink Flight” complete with feather boas and burly, drag queen flightattendants. But it looked like Kathy was doing more of the heavylifting than Buckwheat and company during the 14-hour flight. Not onlydid the comedian crack jokes over the PA system, but she collectedtickets, served breakfast, and took her top off to compete in the barechest contest (bra fully intact, thank God). I was half waiting forthem to usher her to the front of the cabin so she could nod “buh bye”to passengers as they deplaned.

Once on terra firma, Kathy began her whirlwind publicity tour with an appearance on morning talk show The Kerri-Anne Show,where she announced she’d be entering rehab for Tall PoppySyndrome — Aussie slang for a debilitating disease whose sufferers tend tocriticize successful people. Yeah, that sounds about right. Oh, and italso seems Nick Carter wants to make out with her. I wonder what Wozthinks of that…

Questionable hookups aside, if there’s one thing I’ve learned fromthree seasons of this Emmy Award-winning reality show (you’re welcome,Kathy), it’s that some folks just don’t get the comedian’s ballsy brandof humor. Tonight’s awkward moment came courtesy of GreaserOlivia Newton-John. While at tea with the singer/actress and Kressley,Kathy decided to try out some Aussie slang she learned from one of thelocal DJs. Was it just me or did it look like, for just a second,Newton-John was going to bash Kathy’s skull in with a roller skateafter she dropped the c—- features bomb? And didn’t it kind of looklike Kathy was genuinely surprised that this “term of endearment”wasn’t a compliment? Seriously? I don’t care if you’re in Sydney orSiberia, “see you next Tuesday” is never a charming greeting.

But the highlight of the night had to be Kathy’s trip to the zoowith BFF Lance Bass, “her gay Valium.” I’m no animal person, but thatkoala was cute!

What did you think of tonight’s episode, PopWatchers? Was Kathy an Aussie success? Or just a d— bag?

*Iactually think Ms. Griffin could afford to fly on a private jet now andthen (though perhaps not all the way to Australia). Have you seen herhouse? It’s huge.