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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

TV’s funniest lines from May 20 to 26. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

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”This is why the terrorists hate us: We’ve got black and white, Hispanic and Asian, gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal.”
ADAM CAROLLA, ON THE SEASON FINALE OF DANCING WITH THE STARS

”It’s like we died and went to Gossip Girl.”
CAPPIE (SCOTT M. FOSTER), UPON ENTERING A SNOOTY RIVAL FRAT PARTY, ON GREEK

”Shut up! I really mean that, from the bottom of my heart.”
GORDON RAMSAY, TO APOLOGETIC CHEF WANNABE CHRISTINA, ON HELL’S KITCHEN

”NASA has developed a $250 million device that will allow astronauts to convert their urine into drinking water. Which sounds impressive — but it’s really just a urinal cake taped to a Brita filter.”
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN

”Hey, maybe you guys can help me with this: I valet-parked outside — how much should I tip Sanjaya?”
JIMMY KIMMEL, CRACKING A JOKE ABOUT THE INFAMOUS CONTESTANT, ON THE AMERICAN IDOL SEASON FINALE

”The Hillary Clinton campaign — $21 million in debt. Yep, that’s right, and so now, when she gets that 3 a.m. phone call, it’s a loan shark.”
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

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