Matt has chickens, he has eggs; he has chicks that beg. The 29-year-old buff, bronze country boy (pictured) is likable and seemingly genuinely sweet in the series premiere of the CW’s Farmer Wants a Wife (read EW critic Gillian Flynn’s official review here), but the show is messier than the cow pie that caused Stephanie, the first eliminated bride-to-be, to have a Britney-esque breakdown after she accidentally stepped in it. The program tries so hard to smash together the two opposing worlds of rural and urban through embarrassing stereotypes (bumpkins wearing pumps), but the problem really begins with the Billy Ray-meets-Dr. Dre countrified rap theme song that starts,
Now gather ’round and lend yer ear
I’ve got a tale of a man I want you to hear.
His land and his cattle and his chickens abound
But this ol’ boy ain’t got no lady around.
The rhythm is reminiscent of a trip I took about 15 years ago from Philly to Bel-Air. Maybe it would sound better if MC Rip-Off changed the lyrics to:
In Hicksville, Missouri born and raised
In a cornfield is where he spends most of his days,
Chillin’ on a bench swing, sippin’ lemonade all cool
And maybe shootin’ some animals to fill his ripped-ab stomach with food.
But then a bus full of women tired of superficial guys
Traded them along with their privileged city lives.
These broads broadened their horizons and got into several catty fights, but I didn’t care;
I just kept wondering how this show made it onto the air.
addCredit(“Farmer Wants a Wife: Michael Desmond”)