Scott Brown
April 04, 2008 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1 Abigail Breslin inducted as honorary Girl Scout
She plans to earn her first merit badge by tying Dakota Fanning into a square knot.

2 People.com: Club patron says Lohan was ”all over” a ”break-dancer”
I’ve seen this movie. It ends with Lohan saving a community center.

3 Sources deny Brangelina wedding in New Orleans
”No one has been made an honest woman of in New Orleans in 200 years,” said the indignant mayor, ”and we’re not about to start now.”

4 Kathie Lee Gifford joins Today
Yes, Reege, revenge is a dish best served in the fourth hour, and several years late.

5 Hindu groups have a problem with Mike Myers’ The Love Guru
”We are concerned,” they said. ”It looks really sucky.”

6 The Satanic Verses adapted for the stage
Though even its biggest fans agree that the proposed tagline — ”Where the fatwa’s as fancy as the footwork!” — has to go.

7 Denise Richards explains decision to include her children in her upcoming reality show
”I looked in the darling, innocent faces of my children, and then I looked in the darling, innocent faces of my agent and management team.”

8 Thousands of Passions props available in two-day NBC studio lot sale
Hmmm, demons and doll clothes? This is clearly some kind of trap, set by either the FBI or a reality-show producer.

9 Kevin Spacey criticizes BBC for airing talent shows
Said Spacey, ”You want to see talent? Check this out,” and then he proceeded to juggle not one, not two, but thousands of unsold K-PAX DVDs.

10 In radio interview, Madonna talks about Britney: ”For real…let’s go save her”
Immediately, Madonna brought out a collie and asked it, ”Where is she? Where’s Britney, girl? Is she down the well?”

For all the latest headlines, pictures, and ridiculous Hollywood miscellany, visit popwatch.ew.com

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