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Breaking News: This season of "The Bachelor" to be most exciting ever

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Bachelor_l

Bachelor_lLast night’s “Where are they now?” Bachelor special was full of surprises: Lorenzo was voted least-favorite Bachelor over Alex and Brad, while Andy was crowned the favorite (which, as my friend Eva might say, makes him King S— of Turd Island). We found out which Bachelorettes are now engaged (Brad’s Jenni, Jesse’s Trish, and Travis’ Moana) and which ones have already gotten married (Aaron’s Brooke and two-time hopeful Heather). Though those happy endings are nice, I found the most inspiring story to be Travis’ Kristen, who actually found a man willing to wear fake teeth with her on national TV. That’s a keeper.

In the not-surprising category, the show skipped over that little physical altercation between Mary and Byron. We learned which Bachelors are still unattached (Aaron, Alex, Jesse, and Travis, to name a few). We discovered, courtesy of Andrew Firestone’s fiancée, that dating a man after he’s been on The Bachelor is ideal because he’s gotten things– i.e. showering with multiple bikini-clad women– out of his system. And, we proved that yes, it is possible to hate Lorenzo’s Erica even more. She’s started her own line of tiaras, T-Erica

Like I did when I watched the special, I’ll now skip over anythinghaving to do with Ryan and Trista, and get to the new season of the Bachelor,which host Chris Harrison assured us it would be “more exciting thanever.” He said it was because for the first time, we have aninternational Bachelor, British banker Matt Grant (pictured). Butjudging from the preview shown, I’d say it’s because this season, whichdebuts March 17, looks like Rock of Love 3: I spied a bodyshot, a lap dance, a mud bowl, women calling each other bitches, womensaying they’ll fight for their man, a woman being accused of doingsomething “for attention,” a woman defending her reason for being onthe show, and, of course, many, many makeout sessions.

So, are you psyched for The Bachelor: London Calling? (I’ll be handling your weekly PopWatch recaps since Slezak is all American Idol,all the time. When he’s not playing with dolls, that is.) And how manyminutes do you think it will take for one of Matt’s bachelorettes tobring up Hugh Grant, whom he insists has done a lot to damage Britishmen abroad?

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