Cycle 10 of America’s Next Top Model is only a week away, and for those of you who simply cannot wait, we’re acting out our own disturbed season of the show using the MGA Entertainment America’s Next Top Model dolls we got in the mail this week. (Click here if you missed that post.) Anyway, without further ado, let’s cut to Tyra’s voiceover:
This week’s shoot was called ‘Dying for Fashion,’ because nothing says ‘edgy,’ ‘editorial,’ and ‘fierce’ like lovely young ladies in peril. The first model up for evaluation is Sidney, and here’s your best shot!
Now Sidney, I love how you’re maintaining eye contact with the photographer even though you’re desperately clinging to the ledge of this midtown Manhattan office building. The way you’ve arched your torso and braced your foot, as if you’ve realized the inevitability of a terrifying, 27-story free-fall, well, it’s really high fashion. You have to be careful, though, because while you were struggling against a disfiguring and untimely death, your shorts slid down, and I could see a little bit of thong. That’s a no-no.
Also, Mr. Jay said that you were a sobbing mess and wanted to call 911 after you’d finished the shoot. When you’re in the real world, you have to do what the client wants you to do, no questions asked. Nobody likes a complainer. If you feel like your life is in danger, you have to take that primal terror and use it to make the photograph come to life, even if it results in death. I remember back when I was 18 and being photographed for the cover of Elle by Herb Ritts, and I had to lay in a bathtub full of cold water while, over my head, two other models played a game of catch with plugged-in toasters. Did you hear me complaining? No, you did not. And that is why I am a legendary supermodel and entrepreneur and you are a struggling reality TV contestant whose pitiful fate rests in my hands….