(Alternate post title: Leah and Annie cook it in Carroll Gardens!) Hi everyone — we’re here with assorted snacks and a great attitude (for now) about tonight’s live-blogging marathon. We’re not technically required to cover the red carpet… but we might as well. We’re both present, and alive, and the amazing and unexpected Milano Salame that Leah just plunked onto my coffee table has us almost inappropriately revved up for Fun. Let’s get it started!
Leah: Giuliana is kind of a tool. She’s getting all “down” with NeYo on the red carpet. He’s wearing Banana Republic sunglasses! Good to know.
Annie: She acts like every phrase out of her mouth is equally thrilling.
Leah: It is, Annie! Tia Carrere? Well, she looks good.
Annie: Dripping in gold.
Leah: Amy Lee from Evanescance, looking Hot Topic per usual. Ne Yo said he might be working with Lindsay Lohan in the studio, FYI. I’m sure that blew Giuliana’s mind.
Leah: She just called Corinne Bailey Rae “one of the diverse people here tonight.”
Annie: This could not get more hein.
It probably will! Stay with us, after the jump…
Leah: You say, right before Debbie Matenopoulos walks on…
Annie: Donna from Arkansas: Totally made up.
Leah: Fantasia’s hair is half-black and half-white. Kind of Cruella de Ville.
Leah: Musiq Soulchild? Do not care.
Annie: Sal and Soulchild look alike! And you’re right, I really don’t care.
Leah: The Plain White T’s brought Delilah, the real girl from the song, to the show. She has a bf though. And kind of looks like a CW starlet.
Annie: This is an amazing story: “Oh! Thanks for the new CD!” I really feel like I “get it” now.
Leah: Natasha Bedingfield and Alicia Keys both went classy and kind of retro. Lovely.
Annie: Yeah, but I’m kind of sad Alicia doesn’t look like the cover of a Wash ‘n’ Curl box like she usually does these days.
Leah: I feel like we are watching the Bulgarian Grammys with all these crazy turned-out chicks I’ve never heard of coming down the carpet. Maybe these are just the early arrivals?
Annie: I wish we were watching the Bulgarian Grammys. OMG — Tool with a tool.
Leah: And one of the dudes is wearing a gold-foil pot-leaf shirt. Yes.
Annie: Oh hell yes.
Leah: Why does Melissa Joan Hart get to go to the Grammys?
Annie: In case it all needs explaining, of course.
Leah: OK, the cast of the Nutcracker just showed up. WTF?
Annie: Bulgarian Grammys. Fo’ real. Whatever that means.
Annie: This “Bubble Song” debate is painful.
Leah: yeah, it kind of burst mine.
Annie: Guiliana Rancic bursts bubbles, pass it on…
Leah: Oh God, Giuliana is going to ask Ringo Starr how he enjoyed his days with Supertramp.
Annie: Debbie claims to be “dying” from all the fashion. Please happen!
Leah: Annie and I aren’t actually homicidal. But Debbie’s existence does kind of hurt our feelings.
Annie: Raise your hand if you’re not shocked that Panic! at the Disco is wearing American Apparel.
Annie: Neither of us is raising our hand.
Leah: And Cosa Nostra! That’s mom-yeller Jeffrey who won Project Runway‘s label. Ouch… Panic, dismissed for Miley Cyrus! The Grammy pecking order is brutal.
Annie: I think if I could ban one word from pop culture, it’d be “stoked.”
Leah: Miley’s single, boys! She has only three loves: Jesus, her brother, and her dad. That’s a quote!
Annie: Akon basicallyjust denied Giuliana admission to his crib and/or life.
Leah: Seal just spanked Giuliana for being “unoriginal” with her questions. I suddenly like Seal.
Annie: Seal just schooled G-funk.
Annie: JINX, you owe me a baby carrot smothered in kalamata hummus.
Leah: Tony Bennett always keeps it classy. And for once I’m not being facetious. He is a little sweet muffin that I want to squeeze, for real.
Annie: Okay, we clearly need more food.
Leah: Taylor Swift looks pretty in purple.
Annie: She can be an honorary Wash ‘n’ Curl box cover tonight.
Leah: But Nelly Furtado looks like she just smooshed Falcon Crest and Posh Spice into one bunk look.
Annie: Bunk! I love that. Bunk could be the new jank! Stay tuned for details.
Leah: Carrie Underwood’s in florals, pretty but she looks sort of inhumanly polished. I feel like a hobo just looking at her.
Annie: I have some crazy floral tapestries we should drape ourselves in… and then post the pics. (Hey everyone: We’re not really going to do this!)
Leah: Hayley Williams from Paramore looks adorable, but damn those are some sheer panels. And oh Soulja Boy, enjoy your moment. This too shall pass.
Leah: Daughtry is in satin? or is that leather?
Annie: I still don’t register “Daughtry” as being an actual band.
Annie: Daughtry’s bringing Sleather back. This could be why his wife doesn’t answer his calls.
Leah: Rihanna’s hair is short-short! Lil Mama’s is short-short and red! All the girls are in electric colors, very saturated. And that’s your expert fashion forecast from Leah.
Annie: Thank you. I’m way too focused on Giuliana’s “8,000 mics” to pay attention to fashion.
Leah: Like I said, colors! Fergie is in canary-yellow Calvin Klein. Pretty natural makeup too. Her humps are well covered!
Annie: Okay, Nelly Furtado’s hair should NOT be the same shade of Fergie’s dress, ever.
Leah: Yes, canaries are for fabrics, not follicles. And for birds.
Annie: WHY IS DEBBIE SINGING?
Leah: Wilco looks very dapper with their pocket scarves. Even Bai Ling in a Swedish-Mexican napkin for a dress can’t bring me down.
Leah: Wow, this jogging conversation with John Fogerty is scintillating.
Annie: Yeah, Giuliana’s progressed from the “fashion” beat to “fitness.”
Leah: Jay-Z says his closet is two stories. Giuliana says no way. Don’t question Jay-Z, Giuliana.
Annie: Jay-Z is so not havin’ it with her! We love him right now.
Leah: And he is obliquely referencing the mess that is Britney. I love him.
Annie: Memo to everyone: ENOUGH WITH THE JIMMY CHOOS.
Leah: Cyndi Lauper looks like a blonde Helena Bonham Carter meets Dollywood. …John Legend, always dapper.
Leah: Beyonce is a space princess! From the future!
Leah: Did Chris Brown join the White Stripes? As their butler? Interesting suit.
Annie: Not quite as interesting as poor Jill Scott’s free-flowing pleather frock.
Join us for the real deal as we live-blog the actual telecast…