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'Gossip Girl' Unmasked?

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Gossipgirlrevealed_l

Gossipgirlrevealed_lThis post was written by Youyoung Lee and Lindsay Soll.The first paragraph contains a possible spoiler — well, probably not, for reasons Youyoung and Lindsay explain, below.

This morning, news traveled through the online community faster than a text-blast on the CW’s Gossip Girl: New York Daily News gossip columnist Ben Widdicombe called out little Eric van der Woodsen as the Upper East Side’s crown prince blogger. (In response to PopWatch’s query about the Daily News story, a CW publicist at first declined to comment, then issued this teasing statement: “We don’t know where this rumor came from, but invite everyone to check out Monday night repeats to look for clues to Gossip Girl’s identity themselves.”) Given that we rate the likelihood of Serena’s little brother being the G.G. in real life at only 1:11 odds — among other reasons, it’d take a pretty sick 14-year-old boy to wear a voice modulator to sound like Kristen Bell (pictured) and also, what patient on suicide watch is allowed to surf the Internet? — we figured this might be a good time to round up all the usual suspects on the show.

Chuck Bass: 6:9
Highly likely: Snarky, vindictive, and mysteriously/conveniently absent. One might be deterred by the final episode’s shot of him texting Gossip Girl with news of Blair’s infidelity, but more likely he was messaging Alfonso, his manservant, because god knows he does not actually write those items himself.

Jenny 2:7
Eh. She’s got a chip on her shoulder and something to prove, and sure, she’s the perpetual outsider and sneaky enough to get away with it (as when she eavesdrops on Serena and Dan in their Brooklyn loft). But poor girl is too wobbly on her knees to provide the level of snark of G.G.’s voice. Plus, she values her status as the young socialite in Constance Billiard’s cool clique too much to jeopardize it (proof: stealing Eleanor Waldorf’s bolero to fit in, kissing drunk men at Marquee).

Minority Twins 13:14
Our money’s on these two: If Nancy Drew novels taught us anything, it’s that the snitch always comes from within. And it’s always the quiet ones. Bonus: The twins are perpetually the perfect picture of shock when reading G.G. texts, as if they had prepped for hours in advance.

addCredit(“Kristen Bell: Jordan Strauss/WireImage.com”)

Dan 2:11
Nah. If scenic shots of him lounging around hisWilliamsburg pad are are any indicator of his favorite pastimes, he’stoo busy watching Vilgot Sjöman’s I Am Curious (Yellow) while juggling the Kama Sutra and studying for a spot at Dartmouth to be concerned with any gossip-mongering.

Nate 1:10000000
He’s pretty to look at, but can he actually spell?!?

Blair 1:20
She’s definitely not as innocent as she seems(i.e. indulging in sexploits, pie-scarfing bulimia, and manipulation).But only Blair’s most scandalous trysts get publicized online, sendingher further down the rabbit hole instead of promulgating her higher upon the throne.

Serena 3:11
Possible. A friend concocted a theory that S.is secretly out to get B., edging her closer and closer to insanity byway of social ousting, manipulation, and blogging. But if that’s thecase, let’s give her props by bequeathing S.’s hair with its ownspin-off too, called The Mane Event.

Vanessa 4:20
Too obvious. Okay, she apparently owns herown apartment and has a suspicious arsenal of techie equipment (videocameras, snow-making machines). The girl may fulfill the most importantrequirements to be a rat, but in the UES — as G.G. herself once opined— “appearances can be deceiving.”

PopWatchers, who do you have your odds on? And do you even want to know who the real Gossip Girl is?

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