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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of January 11, 2008

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1 Russell Crowe announces plans to make his Australian rugby club more family-friendly
The phones that are hurled will now be 100% Nerf.

2 Michael Douglas is the new voice of NBC Nightly News intro
Hey, what happened to my write-in campaign for the Micro Machines man?

3 Anthrax finds new lead singer through MySpace
But they’re a little nervous about meeting him face-to-face. What if he’s creepy? Or old? Or a former member of Anthrax?

4 A-Rod signs with Madonna manager
He will now round the bases with a coterie of writhing backup dancers.

5 Publication of Lynne Spears’ book about parenting delayed
Minor revisions: They need to slap the words JOKE BOOK! on every cover.

6 Isabella Rossellini to make environmental-themed miniseries for Sundance Channel called Green Porno
Finally, porno that won’t make Iron Eyes Cody cry.

7 Terrell Owens apologizes for blaming Jessica Simpson for Cowboys loss
But that’s kind of what you get for letting her play fullback.

8 Erik Estrada’s son forces plane to land
And he didn’t even use the siren. In your face, Dad!

9 More cast members added to upcoming film version of G.I. Joe
Any more actors and the title will have to be changed to Robert Altman’s G.I. Joe.

10 Former HBO chief Chris Albrecht takes U.K. series about a call girl to Showtime
Sometimes you have to leave the nest to pursue a dream.