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Scott Brown's Hit List

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1 Lifelong bachelor Scott Baio films his wedding for reality show
Look at what the writers’ strike has driven him to.

2 Friendship between Owen Wilson, Woody Harrelson popularizes the word ”bromance”
However, my phrase ”Bromeo and Bruliet” remains unpopular outside this column.

3 A crew member for Liza Minnelli is held for allegedly hitting a photographer
You think Minnelli’s crew is bad? Bette Midler’s thugs force-fed me a For the Boys soundtrack.

4 PETA slimes ”Hairy Kate” and ”Trashley” Olsen for designing with fur
Meanwhile, People for Punctiliousness attacked them as ”Very Late” and ”Rashly.”

5 Jack Nicholson says men have more in common with dogs
”For instance,” he went on, ”many people don’t know that we perspire by panting.”

6 Britney Spears allegedly shoplifts a cigarette lighter at a gas station
I can’t believe it. She’s…smoking??!

7 Kevin Bacon campaigns for John Edwards
Tally it up: That’s at least six famous people for John Edwards.

8 Hilary Swank says she once choked on vitamins
Well, the vitamins probably choked on The Reaping, so I’d say they’re even.

9 Irish magazine apologizes to Tiger Woods’ wife for fake nude photos
”We promise to put your head on a better body next time,” said the editor. ”This old Playgirl spread of the Edge was all we had lying around.”

10 Ellen DeGeneres launches a plan to refurbish animal shelters
She’s qualified: After the last few weeks, she knows a little something about the doghouse.

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