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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of December 14, 2007

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1 Jennifer Love Hewitt decrees a size 2 ”not fat”
It is possible, however, that she’s just repeating what some fat ghost whispered to her.

2 Johnny Depp compared his singing voice to ”mating call of a rutting stag”
Ironically, his actual mating call sounds more like Sondheim.

3 French company buys controlling stake in videogame maker Activision
Its first release, Intractable Cheese-Artisans Strike, will allow you to play only 35 hours a week.

4 MTV reality star Tila Tequila accused of being a closet heterosexual
Some say it’s a smear from the Bi Mafia, the most poorly organized Hollywood mafia since the notorious ”Journeyman Fan Ring.”

5 Ro-Paul McCarquetteny ”just good friends!”
That’s my pet name for them. Feel free to circulate it.

6 ALF goes toe-to-toe with Bill O’Reilly
Let’s hope this goes better than the interview where Larry King kept asking why ALF liked lasagna so much, and ALF kept explaining how that was someone else.

7 Will Smith likens his 7-year-old daughter Willow to Paris Hilton
Dude, that’s the kind of offhand bon mot that can really come back to bite you in 10 years.

8 The Osbournes hold a garage sale for charity
Really? There’s something left to sell?

9 Pam Anderson says she wants to retire soon
From what, exactly? One can only hope it’s marriage.

10 1997 B movie shows Grey’s Anatomy‘s Chyler Leigh making out with her real-life older brother
It’s no accident that this is coming out right before the primaries.