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Scott Brown's Hit List

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1 New mom Keri Russell ”ruining the earth with my diapers.”
This boast, cackled from atop a massive fortress of Pampers, will surely draw the wrath of Captain Planet.

2 Lily Allen says she wants to retire to a farm
I do too, Lily Allen. But we’ll both have to settle: me for windowsill basil, you for bazillions of dollars.

3 Showgirls star Elizabeth Berkley to guest on CSI: Miami
She will investigate her own disappearance from the radar.

4 Walt Disney Pictures to release a 3-D dog movie
Now Old Yeller dies right in your lap!

5 Jet Li breaks Chinese film salary record
For his next movie, he’ll make $13.5 million — and, luckily for him, none of it will be in U.S. dollars.

6 Several of the surviving Wizard of Oz munchkins on hand to receive star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame
The no-shows were striking members of the Lollipop Guild.

7 Jerry Seinfeld’s trip to Israel threatens to upstage Mideast peace conference
He’s entered into talks with Hamas negotiators, whom he characterizes as ”Close Talkers.”

8 Jermaine Jackson says a 2008 reunion of the Jackson 5 is in the works — with Michael!
Nothing brings a family together like towering legal bills.

9 David Hasselhoff may return as Michael Knight Sr. in Knight Rider relaunch
He’s expected to backseat-drive, complain about the ”devil music” on KITT Jr.’s XM, and carp at the price of gas.

10 Journalists fail to recognize Cary Elwes at 20th-anniversary bash for The Princess Bride
Hate to say it, but: conceivable.

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