Slezak: Did you watch Scrubs last night?
Annie: Not yet. What’d I miss?
Slezak: Okay, well I didn’t catch the whole episode, but I was channel surfing, and seriously, JD’s girlfriend delivered the biggest newborn baby in TV history.
Annie: Oh, that baby! I saw that huge thang on our behind-the-scenes Scrubs videos. What the hell? It was like those medieval Christian paintings where the baby Jesus is way out of proportion because painters hadn’t figured out how to paint non-adults!
Annie: I’m cultural!
Slezak: Seriously, that baby was so big, it was like two weeks away from walking over to the fridge and pouring itself a glass of milk!
Annie: I bet it also knows how to sign its name and therefore joined the Screen Babies Guild.
Slezak: Yeah, you could tell it was a Method Baby.
Annie: So in this video, Zach Braff talks about how they had to smear what he calls “the child” (see, not a baby) with cream cheese and jam (pictured). And he likes sandwiches featuring those items, so in lieu of cleaning “the child,” he “licked that little thing right up.”
Slezak: What kind of jam? I wonder if a spreadable fruit or a jelly would also achieve that “newborn” look.
Annie: Organic Morello Cherry!
Annie: Should we now ask the readers what THEY would like to lick off a baby?
Slezak: No we should not.