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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of November 9, 2007

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1 Heidi Klum has no regrets about discussing Seal’s ”package” on television
In a related story, I do regret hearing about it.

2 Paris Hilton’s Rwanda trip has been postponed
More time was needed to convince her that genocide isn’t ”something you put on, like, crops and stuff.”

3 Apologizing to critics, Brad Pitt says he’s embarrassed by his early films
”I now realize at least four of those seven years in Tibet were pretty painful.”

4 Painting of young, scantily clad Sean Connery exhibited
”Look. I wush 12 yearsh old. I wush experimenting with acrylicsh. My friendsh had no right to put that on the Internet.”

5 Scarlett Johansson reportedly gives Ryan Reynolds her wisdom tooth
He says he’ll start a necklace and, eventually, probably start killing people.

6 Lindsay Lohan’s mother claims her family is set to be in a prime-time reality show
Please, PLEASE let it be Meerkat Manor.

7 Catherine Zeta-Jones laughs off anorexia rumors
”Anorexia? Ha! I’m morbidly obese! Off to run a 5K before my workout!”

8 Teri Hatcher auctions off Teri Hatcher doll
It was no big loss: ”Tiny Teri” once tried to murder her in her sleep.

9 Ex-‘N Syncer Chris Kirkpatrick doesn’t mind that Lance Bass once thought he was gay
But Lance also thought Chris was in O-Town, and that he does kind of mind.

10 Ron Howard in pre-strike rush to begin Da Vinci sequel
Tom Hanks must now begin the long process of trapping and domesticating a new mane.

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