If there’s anything I’ve learned from today’s chart-topping music, it’s that love isn’t easy. Especially being in love with you. Being in love with you is just plain god-awful. Ask Rihanna. She hates that she loves you, that’s how miserable you are. Bet you thought being in love was all sunshine and candy necklaces and picnic lunches and butterflies. But guess what?
Being in love with you sucks.
Good Charlotte couldn’t agree more. They’ve in love with you, but it’s become so tedious that they’re throwing fist pumps and screaming how much they Don’t Wanna Be in Love with you anymore. Not to mention the fact that Daughtry’s Over You, when you had no idea he was even interested. Meanwhile, OneRepublic keeps blathering on about how it’s too late to Apologize, not that you were planning on groveling anyway. Then there’s Maroon 5. Oh, they could have loved you, all you had to do was ask, but then you slept with that other guy, so they had to shoot him. Shoot him dead. As far as Wake Up Calls go, I’d say that’s a pretty poignant message. Loving you doesn’t take patience and understanding, all it takes is good aim.
But don’t worry, not all of today’s artists have given up on love. 50 Cent is interested in initiating a relationship via the Internet, and when he’s tired of using technology, you’re invited to sit down on top of him. Can I get an Ayo for online dating? Of course, if that doesn’t work out, give Timbaland (pictured) a call. He likes you juuust the way you is. But so we’re clear, he will not be buying you expensive things, he has some unresolved credit debt, you should be prepared to use public transportation, flowers are out of the question, and correct grammar is optional. He will, however, strip for you. Free of charge. His body, your gift. You might even be his soulmate. With Timbaland, love is free! For him, for you not so much. At least he’s lucid. Justin’s so Lovestoned that he can’t decide what he wants more, your smokin’ body or that bag of Munchos.