1 J.K. Rowling outs Dumbledore
Oh, come on. Name me a British wizard who didn’t own a suggestive Bowie poster in the ’70s.
2 Kid Rock in Waffle House brawl
It’s not the first time there’s been a jukebox dispute over ”Waffle Doo Wop” versus ”There Are Raisins in My Toast.”
3 FBI raids David Copperfield’s magic warehouse
Inside, they found my nose, which Copperfield had somehow caught between his index and middle fingers.
4 Long John Silver’s pledges $10K toward world hunger if Miley Cyrus stops by for a fish platter
Lowball! She fights hunger for nothing less than whale meat.
5 Brit reportedly acquires permanent pout
Best part is, it doubles as an air bag.
6 Sinbad late on taxes
In my opinion, Sinbad has already rendered payment in comedy gold. America owes him change.
7 Marie Osmond faints on live TV
You try smiling that hard for four decades.
8 Rachael Ray hires Valerie Bertinelli as ”buddy” for talk show
Bertinelli will replace Ray’s inner circle: a bunch of empty Triscuit boxes bearing her likeness.
9 McCartney says latest CD title came from message on his cell phone
Just think, if texting existed in ’67, Sgt. Pepper’s might’ve been titled Whudup P u at the mall?
10 Beyoncé celebrates Ethiopia’s 2000th birthday
For those not in the know, Ethiopia is a gun-toting, straight-talking grandma played by Tyler Perry.