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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of October 26, 2007

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1 Bobby Brown denies reports that he had a heart attack
He prefers to think of it as ”myocardial prerogative.”

2 Criminal Minds honored with award for humane portrayal of interrogation
But the Geneva Conventions still prohibit Mandy Patinkin from warbling information out of suspected terrorists.

3 Bryan Adams’ Israeli-Palestinian peace concert canceled due to security concerns
Good. I’m tired of all this Canadian interference in world affairs.

4 Tobey Maguire’s baby’s first words: Da-da
Her next words were ”…the third movie sucked.”

5 Orlando Bloom in car accident
It opened small on the 405 and raised questions about whether Bloom can carry a wreck.

6 The Hills slammed for reportedly staging emotional airport reunion
That’s not fair. All of my emotional airport reunions have been staged.

7 Rosie Perez says she discovered Jennifer Lopez
She also claims to have discovered George Lopez, Shimon Peres, and Pez.

8 Slender, post-preggers Naomi Watts swears by ”solid undergarments”
”Underneath this formfitting Calvin Klein? Trust me, it’s 1867.”

9 Sharon Stone honors India’s ”Hugging Saint”
Expressing love in her own way, Stone squeezed the guru between her thighs.

10 Joe Pesci stars in legal-brothel movie
I haven’t been this aroused since Gone Fishin’!