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Scott Brown's Hit List

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1 Oprah says Love in the Time of Cholera is Book Club pick
In an unprecedented cross-promotion, she’ll also be giving away keys to the new Dodge Cholera.

2 Dr. Phil tells how Britney can get her kids back
”Put the money in a duffel bag,” he begins, ”and come alone, no cops.”

3 QVC hostesses do spontaneous, funky on-air dance
For the first time since those crystal unicorn figurines in 1997, I want a little of what they’re selling.

4 Celine Dion cancels Vegas shows due to gastroenteritis
Not the disease. Gastro Enteritis is a persistent Greek billionaire with season tickets.

5 Blender names Sting worst lyricist
Sting shot back, ”Under the dog star sail/Over the reefs of moonshine/Under the skies of fall/’Blender’ is a poopyhead.”

6 Whoopi Goldberg to quit smoking
In my opinion, Whoopi Goldberg will always be smokin’. My restraining order prevents me from elaborating.

7 Naked man breaks into Nic Cage’s house
Worst Moonstruck sequel ever.

8 Without confirming pregnancy, Christina sets up baby registry
How dare she register her infant with Tots ”R” Us before registering it with Perez Hilton? I’m calling DSS.

9 Pam Anderson weds Rick Salomon
Under ”common interests,” their wedding website mentions ”genitalia” and ”filming genitalia.”

10 Director Ang Lee ”shy,” ”awkward”
”You wouldn’t like me when I’m shy and awkward,” he added, morphing into a shy, awkward Hulk.

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