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Snap judgment: Britney Spears' 'Gimme More' video

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Gimmegimme_l_2

Gimmegimme_l_2Before you go rushing to iTunes and blow $1.99 to download Britney Spears’ brand new “Gimme More” video, here are a few things you should know.

1) If you’ve seen those ubiquitous paparazzi pics of a brunette Spears donning a leather vest and fishnets on the day of the video shoot, and can imagine them airbrushed and color-corrected, then you’ve pretty much seen everything there is to see. Sure, there’s a few seconds of footage of Brit in a tacky blonde wig, accompanied by a couple of blond friends, giddily staring at “Stripper Britney,” but mostly, it’s just our dark-haired heroine walking in circles around a pole.

2) Carmen Electra already conquered the “good girl with exotic-dancer alter-ego” genre — with more enthusiasm and better moves — in her 1992 clip for “Go Go Dancer,” which is streaming free of charge here at PopWatch (after the jump).

3) The “Gimme More” videoclip is quite possibly an homage to Lindsay Lohan’s ghastly I Know Who Killed Me, which (spoiler alert!) focused on a bad-ass stripper who experiences “psychic stigmata” after the Yale-bound twin sister from whom she was separated at birth is kidnapped and mutilated by a serial killer. (No, I didn’t make that up. And yes, I actually paid to see I Know Who Killed Me. But I did it all for you, PopWatchers….all for you!)

4) A few minutes ago, during my first viewing of “Gimme More,” I got distracted IM-ing with one of my friends about whether or not fruit is an acceptable dessert option. I say, perhaps. (Feel free to weigh in.)

The moral of the story is, if you’re going to build an entire video around a stripper pole, then you better work said pole like a nine-to-five. Drop it like it’s hot. Throw a leg up over your head. Hire one of the elegant ladies of HBO’s G-String Divas, and have her teach you that daring move where you hang upside down by your legs and spin with reckless abandon. Alas, in the case of “Gimme More,” I’ve seen sexier pole work during an afternoon of fly-fishing.

(Update: Looks like “Gimme More” has found its way to YouTube — at least until somebody at Britney’s label tells ’em to take it down — so check it out for yourself, and do a side-by-side comparison with Ms. Electra, after the jump!)