Scott Brown
October 01, 2007 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1 Brad Pitt says hug from crazed fan ”tells me that we’re vulnerable”
”If a crazed fan can hug us,” said Pitt, using the royal we, ”then so can al-Qaeda.”

2 Tori Spelling might star on Broadway in Chicago
The decision may come down to whether she can actually sing or dance.

3 Lonestar to release next album exclusively through Cracker Barrel
Patrons can download tracks after they’ve whittled themselves an iPod.

4 Shakira taking Intro to Western Civilization at UCLA
It’s research for her rump-shaking new single ”Chomsky Don’t Lie.”

5 O.J. allegedly tries to retrieve sports memorabilia at gunpoint
To be fair, he was more demonstrating how he’d do it.

6 Tommy Lee retracts resignation from Mötley Crüe
He’d also like to retract his sternly worded letter to Maybelline, whose mascara, it turns out, is not ”the devil’s own excrement.”

7 20 million fans try for tickets to Zeppelin reunion
Well, they did write, like, the best Cadillac commercial ever.

8 L.A. block renamed Larry King Square
It’s a sleepy place where residents enjoy tossing softballs.

9 Ed Burns: ”I have to admit, I love most of my films”
”Especially the one I like to call ‘a love letter to New York.’ Ah, crap, which one is that again?”

10 Charlie Sheen says he feels like a ”leper” next to ”handsome” Mario Lopez
Everybody experimented with leprosy in the ’80s! Wasn’t such a big deal.

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