1 Crash won’t stop Clooney from riding his motorcycle
He’s just removing the mirrors, so they won’t distract him again.
2 Die Hard director sentenced to prison
”Stay with me,” the judge pitched. ”It’s Die Hard…in a prison! With the director of Die Hard!”
3 Six of the seven gay characters on network TV are on ABC
The seventh, Bashful, is thinking of becoming a cable news anchor.
4 Mariah Carey says her secret to looking good is ”bleak diets”
It’s all in Charles Dickens’ weight-loss classic, Bleak Diets.
5 Armani teaming with Samsung
Nearing fruition: Man’s great dream of pants that can store an entire season of Battlestar.
6 No lesbian affair with Jan in Marcia Brady tell-all
That sound you hear is thousands of fan-fiction writers cursing the rumor mill.
7 Phil Spector jury requests a VCR
Sorry, but C.H.U.D. just isn’t the same on DVD.
8 Scary Spice ”terrorizes” her family ”with kisses”
At some point, she’ll release a video claiming responsibility.
9 Actor playing ”Dancing Russian Soldier” spills Indy 4 plot
That’s what you get when you hire Blabby Baryshnikov.
10 VH1 introduces celebrity-rehab reality show
They’ll be rehabilitating former reality-show stars looking to reenter a camera-free life.