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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

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”Our purpose is to bring superior souls into this family, not give them away to every barren Sue, Jane, and Sally on the block.”
NICKI (CHLOƋ SEVIGNY) TO MARGENE (GINNIFER GOODWIN), WHO IS CONSIDERING BEING A SURROGATE MOTHER TO AN INFERTILE COUPLE, ON BIG LOVE

”Well, we did it, but if you want my professional opinion, that boy gayer than a handbag full of rainbows.”
U-TURN’S HO, AFTER FORCING SANJAY (MAULIK PANCHOLY), A GAY MAN, TO HAVE SEX, ON WEEDS

”I don’t wanna party like it’s my birthday. I wanna sell my house.”
JEFF LEWIS, AFTER DISCOVERING THAT HIS STAFF HAD SWITCHED HIS MELLOW ”OPEN HOUSE” MUSIC FOR 50 CENT, ON FLIPPING OUT

”I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t tell you the truth!”
STAR JONES REYNOLDS ON DAY ONE OF STAR JONES

”White guys aren’t attracted to me. I think my booty’s too intimidating or something.”
FLIRT! COSMETICS ASSISTANT JANJAY ON THE FASHIONISTA DIARIES

”Quiet down, English muffin!”
MARY MURPHY, SPEAKING FOR ALL US TO HER FELLOW JUDGE NIGEL LYTHGOE, ON SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE

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