1 Pro wrestler to be on Survivor
I hope this doesn’t affect the credibility of reality TV.
2 Judge congratulates Lohan’s parents on ”extraordinarily good judgment”
Was this a real judge? Or just Judge Reinhold again?
3 Cartoon Network characters to begin eating healthier food
The network also encourages its Adult Swim viewers to use only organic, fair-trade pot.
4 Jewelry, including one gold chain, stolen from Hulk Hogan
The Fed needed something to guarantee our currency last week.
5 House stars call off engagement
At first they thought it was cold feet. But the cold feet just turned out to be symptoms of deep-vein thrombosis.
6 Stripper poles from Sopranos‘ Bada Bing club being auctioned
Those poles with strippers still on them will go for more.
7 Universal Music now making legal mixtapes
Keep in mind, it’s been working on these tapes since 1986, so they’ve got, like, embarrassing amounts of Peter Gabriel on them.
8 Janeane Garofalo joins the cast of 24
Using waterboarding, she will extract the truth about cats and dogs!
9 Steven Seagal reportedly blames FBI for ruining his career
The FBI wrote On Deadly Ground?
10 Kevin Federline to star as cocky singer on One Tree Hill
He’s been feverishly watching old Brian Austin Green footage to prepare.