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Did you have any idea this was No. 1?

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Agt_lTonight’s finale of NBC’s America’s Got Talent — which happens to the No. 1 TV show in the country right now — will NOT feature the Glamazons. (We just wanted to use this photo of them because they’re all “Heeeeeey, we just murdered that guy on the floor with our heels”). I do not know anyone who watches this show, including you, P-Dubs. From what I’ve seen, it seems each performance is just a crap shoot into the gaping mess that is Sharon Osbourne and David Hasselhoff (the latter of whom possesses an ever-changing tolerability index). There’s always a slight chance that a high note, slight head jerk, or nothing at all will prompt these judges to out-fake-orgasm each other using words like fantastic. It’s enough to make me do something completely irrational, like turn the TV off and read a book.

If you watch AGT, would you mind explaining why? Are the contestants genuinely talented and interesting? Do you effin’ love Jerry Springer? Or is it quite simply that there’s nothing else on?