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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the week's best

TV’s funniest lines from July 24 to 30. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

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”Posters and T-shirts? That’s great if this were 1985, and we all had feathered hair. But I straighten my hair, Rebecca. Because I’m serious. So let’s stop playing around.”
CASEY (SPENCER GRAMMER), CRITIQUING REBECCA’S (DILSHAD VASARIA) SCHOOL SPIRIT, ON GREEK

”You’ll make some girls really happy one day, Ben.”
BRYNN (SARAH JONES), BREAKING UP WITH HER POLYGAMIST BOYFRIEND, BEN (DOUGLAS SMITH), ON BIG LOVE

”I have a major eye problem: I can’t see ourselves losing.”
HOUSEHOLD-WRAP-DISPENSER INVENTOR MIKE MILLER, TO HIS COINVENTOR AND BROTHER JOSEPH, RIGHT BEFORE THE TWO WERE ELIMINATED, ON AMERICAN INVENTOR

”Think they’ll give me a conjugal?”
CONTESTANT ROCK, AFTER REUNITING BRIEFLY WITH HIS WIFE, ON HELL’S KITCHEN

”Starbucks is raising the price of coffee 9 cents per drink. That’s the one complaint I’ve had about Starbucks: Their coffee is too cheap.”
JIMMY KIMMEL, ON JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE!

”Barry Bonds is only three home runs away from becoming the all-time home-run king, and when it happens, I just hope he doesn’t get a big head.”
DAVID LETTERMAN, ON THE LATE SHOW

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