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Write a better 'L Word' scene than this one

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Erin_l

Erin_lAttention all L Word fans: FanLib and OurChart.com want you to rewrite a scene of your choice from seasons 1 or 2 as a potential scene from the adaptation of “Lez Girls,” Crazy Jenny’s thinly veiled, fictional account of theL Word characters’ lives. A team of judges headed by L Wordcreator Ilene Chaiken will read the scenes andchoose between 2-10 finalists, to be announced on July 18. The winning script will be filmed and shown as part of an episode of season 5. So make like Jenny and start staring blankly at your screen while a torturous internal monologue rings in your ears!

To get the boob rolling, I’ll re-imagine the very beginning of season 2, when Tina is really huge, Alice and Dana (Erin Daniels, pictured) have only just kissed, and the insufferable Tonya has just about the whole season left to annoy everyone… or does she?

INT. THE PLANET

Shane and Alice gulp coffee while shutting big fat Tonya out of their discussion of whose hair looks more asymmetrical today. Tina enters, wearing a sandwich board that reads “Under this big-ass sandwich board I’m obvs pregnant, how ’bout a sandwich?’

SHANE
That certainly makes things easier. Congratulations.

TINA
Thanks. Actually I’m kind of over it.

ALICE
Oh, awesome, because I wasn’t going to fawn over your pregnancy anyway, and this way I don’t have to feel guilty about that!

Jenny floats in, dressed as a gumdrop, and starts tapping everyone’s forehead with a magic fairy wand.

JENNY
I’m writing!!!

addCredit(“Erin Daniels: Everett Collection”)

Dana jogs in, still holding her tennis racket from “training.”

TONYA
Look how much Dana sweats. It’s so cute!

ALICE
We’re all aware of Dana’s perpetually hot glisten. Why do you think they always dress her in racerback tanks and corn oil?

DANA
You think I’m glowing now? Wait ’til I get TV cancer. I’m gonna look so fit and healthy.

TONYA
I just registered me and Dana at Kate Spade! We’re getting married, you know. Alice. We’re getting married.

ALICE
Tonya, you’re a stone-cold bitch.

Tonya bursts into flames; nobody blinks. Everyone cheers. Shaneleaves, to go “f— Arianna Huffington” (her words, not mine) insteadof just do her hair.

Scene!

Go ahead and write something not quite so superficial at the You Write It! site.

Side note: Does anyone besides me wish they would change the openingcredits song from Betty’s “The Way That We Live” to Ladytron’s”Playgirl,” which played in season 2 when Mark videotaped Shane hookingup with the hot delivery girl in UPS-esque shorts?

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