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'Age of Love': Getting physical in week 4

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Tessa_l

Tessa_lWimbledon is over, but fear not, tennis fans: the”Cougars vs. Kittens” Davis Cup of Love is in full swing, and the Poo’s forehandis looking strong. (Shout-out to Mandi for covering last week’s madness andintroducing the incredible nickname. I was going to thank her by saying, “Mandi’sthe poo, take a big whiff,” but then I realized that a) it would be sort ofa confusing statement, contextually speaking, and b) quoting Kirsten Dunstlines is never a good look, even if they’re from Bring It On.)

With memories of Sunday’s thrilling Federer-Nadal final fresh in my mind, Icame into last night’s episode of Age ofLove wondering if the Poo feels bad about the fact that’s he’s no longer abig name in tennis. But which is better: winning five straight Wimbledon finals and being touted as the greatest player of all time like Roger Federer,or hanging out in L.A. with the handsome Mark Consuelos and kissing women ofvarious ages all day? It’s a tough call, but my ”Hawk Eye” technology istelling me that the Poo’s lifestyle is aces right now.

So where are we after week 4? With the Kittens moving in with the Cougarsand Amanda catching feelings way toohard for a reality show contestant, the game is getting pretty physical. Checkback in after the jump to see how last night’s activities played out.

addCredit(“Tessa: Trae Patton”)

Triathlon The ladies had totandem-bike, run, and paddle their way to the Poo’s yacht for the chance tohang out with him for a few hours. As is always the case when people doathletic activities on reality TV shows, someone got taken away in theambulance (running + enormous fake breasts = ankle injury) and the race wasedited to look like the Ironman when it probably took about 10 minutes. Asidefrom Amanda (who, as Mandi points out, made the absurd claim that she is the leastathletic, even though she is a dancer by trade), the Cougars seemed to be in muchbetter shape than the Kittens. To be honest, this is fully in keeping with myexperience. Girls my age are generally in horrible cardiovascular shape. I’m haveno idea why… Anyways, when the race got to the water and they were all paddlingalong on surfboards, I started fearing/hoping for a shark attack, but then Iremembered that they were in L.A. and not the Great Barrier Reef.

Tennis Camp The Poo got his NickBolleteri on down at the courts, opening up a free clinic where hehoped toproduce the next great champion of his heart. These lessons wouldprobably gofor at least $500/hour in an auction, so I hope the ladies wereappreciative. CoachPoo was really impressed with Tessa (pictured) for showing up in spiteof her injury, but come on — she’s on a reality show. What else doesshe haveto do? In spite of her terrible groundstrokes, she later pulled out aMichaelChang-style underhand(ed) serve on her one-on-one date by telling Markhow muchAmanda likes him. I’m not sure what her plan was there, but the Poo sawrightthrough her games and “injuries” and boldly peaced her out. Respect.

Making Out The Poo’s tenniscareer may be history, but his tonsil hockey days are far from over.The show is quickly becoming about little more than making out — who does hekiss, who kisses him, and who does he “kisskiss.” Despite being named after a city in the Poo’s native Australia, Adelaidegot booted for poor lip service, while Jayanna knew just how to keep himwanting more. I have no reservations about saying that I, too, would like to kissJayanna, the fairest Cougar of them all. (Sadly, I must also admit I have lookedat this photo gallery of “The 40s in their 20s.”)

Final analysis Though his facialexpressions can be as baffling as Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ in The Tudors, I think Mark’s getting a little smoother and morecomfortable in his role as “player-coach.” Still, his eliminationdecisions are somewhat inexplicable. Mandi thinks the producers are pushing tokeep manic depressive Mary on board, and I’d tend to agree. Her attempts toholler at the Poo are painfully awkward, and she’s produced enough tears tofill the 500 bottles of water that the ladies appeared to have in the houseafter tennis. But she’s poised for a massive breakdown, and I think we’re allexcited for that.

What do you think, PooWatchers? Is there really anyone in the running butAmanda and Jayanna right now? Should there be a spin-off dating show withRafael Nadal to see if women respond favorably to capri pants?

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