1 Paris Hilton on CNN. There are much more important things happening in the world and much more important people making them happen. Like Bono.
2 The overuse of that damn KT Tunstall song ”Suddenly I See.”
3 TV shows that end at 10:02 p.m. Our DVRs don’t know to wait up.
4 That on The Bachelor, every single rose ceremony that comes down the pike seems to be dubbed ”the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.”
5 Peter Parker’s emo haircut.
7 The word threequels.
8 Movies shot in Toronto that aren’t set in Toronto.
9 Hollywood’s indiscriminate use of the words artist and genius.
10 People who relish Katie Couric’s ratings struggle.
11 ”Upsizing” sales tactics at the concession stand. If we wanted the jumbo deal, we would have asked for it.
12 Overdone reality show orchestration. We don’t need ”ba-ba-dum!” playing over the footage every freakin’ time there is a plot twist.
13 When someone is ”playing” a musical instrument on screen and it’s obvious not only that they are not playing the instrument but that they haven’t even been taught how to fake playing the instrument.
14 Teenage stars who talk about how they’ve been waiting their entire lives for a moment like this.
16 Stars who insist they hate paparazzi while courting them by showing up at places like the Ivy.
17 The line ”dancing for their lives” on So You Think You Can Dance.
18 New-release DVDs that have zero extras. (You just know a special edition will be released in time for Christmas.)
19 When TV shows are based in cold places, yet no one is sufficiently bundled up. Like Men in Trees, for instance. Yeah, sure, that coat’s gonna keep you warm in Alaska!
20 Music videos where the singer romps around in white sheets on a bed, looking all moony and in love.
21 The fact that Kate Winslet does not have an Oscar.
22 The word pitchy.
23 Athletes who rap.
24 Foreign characters speaking to each other in accented English, in lieu of subtitles. Shame on you, 24!
25 The 2007 MTV Movie Award for the Best Summer Movie We Haven’t Seen Yet.
26 Waiting around for Guns N’ Roses to release Chinese Democracy.
27 Promo spots in which TV cast members walk toward the camera, or spin around, and get wind blown through their hair.
28 People out-running fireballs.
29 Actors sitting in the audience at awards shows, trying to joke with the host. We can’t hear you — and neither can the host.
30 Reality shows about mundane professions: The Ace of Cakes! What’s next, Spackler’s Challenge?
31 Movie trailers in which an explosion cuts off profanity. (”Yippee-ki-yay, motherfu-KABOOM!”)
32 TV shows without commercial interruptions. We have to use the bathroom sometimes.