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Scott Brown's Hit List

The 10 hottest topics for the week of June 22

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1 The Sopranos finale outrages fans
Especially Steve Perry, who was like, ”What the hell! Where’s the last chorus?”

2 According to press release, Mary Kay products help Joey Lawrence maintain his ”glow”
Grow a pair, Lawrence. Real men use Lancóme.

3 Wesley Snipes reportedly says race a factor in tax charge
Just goes to show, a half-vampire can’t get a fair shake in America.

4 Rob Lowe accidentally kills Iowa state bird with golf ball
”Big fan!” the bird gasped as it expired.

5 CBS to launch raw Big Brother: After Dark on Showtime
As part of the exchange, Showtime will give CBS a drug-free Weeds and the Queer as Folk relaunch, I Love My Wife’s Boobs.

6 Joey McIntyre on Dancing With the Stars tour with pregnant wife
Said McIntyre: ”It’s gonna be so totally Grapes of Wrath, except, like, catered!”

7 Spice Girls downplay rumored album, reunion tour
The logistics are almost impossible: Sporty likes to watch EastEnders before the spoilers hit the Web, and Baby has her pottery class now.

8 Howie Mandel signs on for syndicated Deal or No Deal
He TiVo’s EastEnders. He can make it work.

9 Texas town reportedly unhappy to host Fox’s Anchorwoman reality show
Dallas remains the only reality show allowed by Texas law.

10 Disney in joint venture with Bollywood
Bow, minions, before the fearsome eight-armed Goofy!