There’s only three unlucky women remaining on this season of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman, and in honor of desperate schoolteacher Amber’s elimination, I present you with the following pop quiz about last night’s episode. Everyone get out a pad and pencil, and face the front of the room. Begin!
1. Andy’s silver car with the crazy doors is:
A) a DeLorean.
B) a Lamborghini.
C) the Batmobile.
2. At the beginning of last night’s episode, Andy paired each of the four remaining women with a descriptive phrase. Which one doesn’t belong?
A) Danielle: “I feel her heart so much”
B) Amber: “warms me up”
C) Bevin: “manly hands”
D) Tessa (pictured, with Andy): “amazing emotions”
3. After Bevin’s father encouraged her to dive headlong into a relationship with a man she barely knows (and who happens to be mulling marriage proposals with at least three additional women), she responded by saying:
A) “I have to just let go.”
B) “It’s all about the journey.”
C) “Jesus, take the wheel.”
D) “It puts the lotion in the basket.”
4. When Andy and Bevin inevitably split, who will get custody of the lovely forest scene Bevin’s mom painted for them?
C) one lucky eBay-er
D) the nearest dumpster
5. One of the personality traits Andy said he likes about Danielle is that she:
A) “Gives 1,000 percent, just like her mom.”
B) “Triumphs over hurdles.”
C) “Willingly allows me to force-feed her bites of banana.”
D) It’s a trick question! Danielle has no personality traits.
6. Andy and Danielle’s end-of-date kiss signaled that:
A) her mom should not have prepared clams casino for an appetizer.
B) dude will try anything once.
C) their “fantasy suite” date next week will be a good time to fold the clothes.
D) she’s going to totally get the ring.
7. Tessa’s best friend and sister:
A) are part of a feminist plot to destroy The Bachelor franchise.
B) deserve their own reality series — but only if they’re joined by Amber’s roommate.
C) are just jealous because they don’t have boyfriends with eight-packs.
D) should have stuffed Tessa into a van and driven her to a safehouse.
8. The most uncomfortable part of Andy’s visit to Amber’s hometown was:
A) the dangerously short minidress she wore to visit her grade-school classroom.
B) the fact that her roommate calls her “Ambee.”
C) her Pomeranian, Pasha, spinning wildly and urinating on the floor, then barking off camera while the couple made out.
D) the uncontrollable sobbing.
9. The emotional highlight of the “most dramatic rose ceremony ever” was:
A) Amber’s scarily specific vision of a future in which she “would’ve bent over backwards” to please her man.
B) Amber’s futile attempts to pull up the sagging top of her strapless dress.
C) The controversial cutout panels in the sides of Bevin’s gown.
D) Andy’s admission that he wanted to “bring all four women to Hawaii.”
10. *Why does Chris Harrison feel the need to always say, “Ladies, this is the final rose tonight”?
A) Because it is a natural stimulant to the women’s tear ducts.
B) Because the bachelorettes may have looks, but that doesn’t mean they have math skills
C) Because deep down, Chris is evil
D) Because he likes to use the word “ladies” whenever possible
Answer key after the jump!
*Thanks to my colleague Lindsay Soll for concocting that last one.
Answer Key: 1-D; 2-C; 3-A; 4-D; 5-D**; 6-C; 7-D; 8-A***; 9-B; 10-C***
**technically B, but come on!
***though D is also an acceptable answer