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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the best

TV’s funniest lines from April 10 to 16. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

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”If someone gives you 10,000-to-one [odds] on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.”
KEVIN (BRIAN BAUMGARTNER), ON THE OFFICE

”It was reported that porn star Jenna Jameson has lost so much weight she was unrecognizable and a disappointment to fans at last weekend’s Exxxotica Convention in Miami Beach. Though, I imagine much of life is a disappointment to the attendees of an Exxxotica Convention.”
AMY POEHLER, ON SNL

”You left me dangling, Lemon. I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and your left-handedness. I can’t do what you do.”
JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) TO LIZ (TINA FEY), ON 30 ROCK

”Yeah, CGN: Common gay name, only outdone by Ryan and Phillip.”
KEVIN WALKER (MATTHEW RHYS) EXPLAINS WHY HE HAS FOUR JASONS PROGRAMMED INTO HIS CELLPHONE, ON BROTHERS AND SISTERS

”Much like a child, a film has many parents.”
CARMINE LUPERTAZZI JR. (RAY ABRUZZO), AT THE SCREENING OF HIS AND CHRISTOPHER’S MOVIE CLEAVER, ON THE SOPRANOS

”I felt really pressured when Andy told me he wanted to see my serious side. What did he want me to do — rescue an orphan from a fire?”
KATE, ON THE BACHELOR

”Today, Don Imus made a point of thanking one of his sponsors, Bigelow Tea, for sticking by him. Imus said, ‘I want to reward Bigelow Tea’s loyalty by publicly linking them to racism one last time.”’
CONAN O’BRIEN, ON LATE NIGHT

Sound Bites Poll

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