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TV's funniest quotes: Pick the best

TV’s funniest lines from March 20 to 26. Read the expanded online-only version of our favorite quips, then vote for the best quote

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”Barbara, you’re going to have to do your Oscar special from the Betty Ford clinic.”
JOY BEHAR TO BARBARA WALTERS, ABOUT THE RASH OF CELEBRITIES GETTING BUSTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING, ON THE VIEW

”I’ve never been in handcuffs before — or, you know, at least not without pleasure.”
TYRIE, AFTER HIS ARREST, ON THE REAL WORLD: DENVER

”Sign an autograph or two. Support a charity for something that hasn’t happened to a member of your family. Let one of us regular guys write a terrible children’s book.”
HOMER’S PLEA TO CELEBRITIES ON THE SIMPSONS

”I like Stevie Wonder.”
SIMON (TONY HALE), TRYING TO HIT ON NICOLE (NICOLE RANDALL JOHNSON) AFTER SHE REVEALS SHE HAS A DEAF BROTHER, ON ANDY BARKER, P.I.

”So this is where the tragic happens.”
MARC (MICHAEL URIE), UPON ENTERING BETTY’S (AMERICA FERRARA) BEDROOM, ON UGLY BETTY

”The only thing I like better than watching a TV show is watching it smaller and blurrier.”
DEMETRI MARTIN, PRAISING YOUTUBE, ON THE DAILY SHOW

”The only newspaper in America I like is the USA Today. It’s like a Denny’s placemat, but with news.”
STEVEN COLBERT ON THE COLBERT REPORT

”Some Republicans in Washington are looking for a replacement for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales but apparently they need to find an experienced legal mind that President Bush is comfortable with. As a result, the number one candidate is Judge Judy.”
CONAN O’BRIEN ON LATE NIGHT

”A man in Minneapolis said that his two-year-old son took a gun from his mother’s purse and shot him in the arm. The toddler then said, ‘Now lemme ask you again, can I have my bah-bah?”’
SETH MEYERS ON SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE

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