Scott Brown’s Hit List
1 Michael Jackson charges $3,500 for 30 seconds of face time That’s not a lot of time. And when you think about it, even less face.
2 American Idol may promote Happy Meals There’s no toy inside the ”Simon Meal.” Frankly, it’s a competitive year, and most of these kids haven’t earned it anyway.
3 M. Night Shyamalan gets to keep deer fence The twist is, the deer are already dead!
4 Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson reportedly go public Now you too can own a share in Hollywood’s blondest relationship.
5 Top Model ads pulled from Santa Monica buses At less than a 16th of an inch thick, the posters were ”too plus-size.”
6 Jolie to adopt again? Next week she’ll travel back in time and kidnap the Lindbergh baby.
7 Study says kinkiest women live in New York, loneliest men in Minnesota So the Big Apple is an estrogen powder keg, awaiting only the spark of Garrison Keillor.
8 In a new reality show, Shaq will help fat kids lose weight On Shaq’s rigorous plan, the kids lose not just weight, but height. Shaq does not like competition.
9 Nicole Richie receives intravenous fluids You know that ”meat hose” they have at Taco Bell? Just hook her up to that and set it to ”BellGrande.”
10 Jared Leto breaks nose at concert That’ll teach Jared Leto to dis Jared Leto’s band!