This just in from the Department of Never Gonna Happen: Brooklyn-based state senator Carl Kruger has proposed a ban on iPods, cell phones, and the like while crossing streets of NYC and Buffalo, N.Y. He wants to do this because a 23-year-old in his district was struck and killed last month while listening to his iPod. That is seriously sad. I feel for this person, especially because I’ve almost been him a bunch of times now. Like probably a lot of you, I relentlessly offer my precious life on a rubber-encased silver platter to drivers who also aren’t paying attention on a near-daily basis so that I can better surround-sound myself in “Dangerous Type” by The Cars. (Do you like what I did there? Not really? Okay.) But COME ON, Sen. Kruger. Pedestrians, and drivers, and you, are the stupid ones. Not iPods! Obliviously rocking out on the street is one of our nation’s proudest and most exhilarating pastimes, as evidenced by that girl in the photo, who may or may not be me. Nice “Sonic”-colored iSkin, ambiguous girl in the photo. You’re cool.
Now, clearly, no one is going to listen to this silly senator. But what if — in a wacky alternate universe where idiots always get their way, which wouldn’t actually be too far off from this one — they did? What a buzzkill! Would it be worth it to wake up in the morning? (Yes, I know, this is when you slam me because I should be happy for the opportunity to wake up in the morning — and you’re right! But still, let me know what you think.)