Scott Brown’s Hit List
1 Sean Connery may return as Indiana Jones’ dad — if the script works Around about Act 3, Connery is looking for a specific plot point: $15 million tucked between the pages.
2 George Lopez wants to start a feud with Jay Leno They will duel by marching 30 paces, turning, and not being funny.
3 On set, Will Smith warms freezing extras with rap Survival tip: Nothing burns like old D.J. Jazzy Jeff backing tracks.
4 Mariah Carey graces Playboy cover With this and a time machine, I will soon be the awesomest kid in 1991.
5 U.K. reality show searches for ”real” Harry Potter This, from the producers who brought you ‘The Real Star Wars: Can YOU Breathe in Space?’
6 Sudoku to be subject of mystery novel Mary Higgins Clark goes a little nuts when she’s stumped.
7 Critics say Kevin Federline-as-fry-cook Super Bowl ad demeans fast-food workers When your image can degrade the guy who cleans the meat hose at the local taco shack…that’s power, boy.
8 Anglican ”U2charist” service replaces hymns with U2 songs Not to be outdone, the mosque next door is blasting Cat Stevens.
9 Alfred Hitchcock said Steven Spielberg made him feel like a whore Spielberg, it seems, doesn’t snuggle after an homage.
10 Celebrity to tutor virgins in ways of love in proposed reality show I smell Sizemore! But that may be unrelated.