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Things That Make Me Die Inside (Vol. 12)

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Please, make the lambs stop screaming! No more Hannibal Lecter movies! The prequel Hannibal Rising is due out next week, on Feb. 9, so I’ll reserve judgment on that film. But producer Dino de Laurentiis has told MTV News that he’s already considering another Chiantifest. And he even suggested that, in this hypothetical umpteenth movie in the franchise, our young flesh-eater may get lucky with a more mature female character (played in Hannibal Rising by Gong Li)—ewww.

Good God. First of all, I don’t want to see Hannibal Lecter getting laid. Second, while Manhunter and The Silence of the Lambs were revelatory experiences, things started to go downhill with Hannibal. And, really, nobody—not even Brett Ratner’s mom—was asking for Red Dragon. So when are they gonna stop? What’ll be next, a 3-D version? Remember: It happened to Jaws.