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Things That Make Me Die Inside (Vol. 11)

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Equus_lSo Daniel Radcliffe is making his West End stage debut in Equus, and bully for him. There’s just the little matter of the show’s publicity photos — the ones that feature the Artist Formerly Known as Harry Potter in a state of alarming disrobement. Bad enough that looking at Radcliffe’s nipples, I get flashbacks to Pale Man’s eyeballs in Pan’s Labyrinth, but then you glance downward and realize that he’s either wearing jeans that ride so low they’d make Britney Spears blush, or else, in the words of the great Tracey Ullman, the boy has got “No! Panties! On!” I mean, I can see…er, I don’t want to finish this sentence. Let’s just say Radcliffe is totally gonna be dubbed “Hairy Potter” by some jokester on his next movie set. It’s not like I have a problem with nudity, or even Radcliffe’s nudity (theoretically), but I don’t think I was ready for this jelly. Not yet. Not without a couple years’ notice. I’m not the only one dabbing my eyes with Clorox-dabbed Q-Tips, am I?