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Emmys 2017
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Write your own Oscar acceptance speech for NPR

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Sally_lNPR launched a “Write Your Own Oscar Speech” contest on Monday. You have until Feb. 17 to compose something under 200 words that’ll trump Sally Field”s “You like me!” speech (pictured). This should not be difficult.

Unfortunately,  you can’t send in an acceptance speech for the way you personally “acted out” your life in 2006 (“I’d like to thank YouTube, and God.”) No, it needs to be something one of the nominees in the four acting categories would say, in character. The hell? I’m sure there’s a digital stampede (what would that sound like? a beep?) of bored souls ready to assume the persona of Helen Mirren. NOT. Funny that the example speech NPR came up with was from the mouth of Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat, who wasn’t even nominated.

addCredit(“Sally Field: AP”)

Okay, so here’s my entry for Eddie Murphy, with little to no regard for NPR’s rules:

“Whatzupwitu? No really, Whaaaat’s uuuup wiiiit yuuu? Don’t bother answering. You know, if I hadn’t floated in a magical land of clouds and cartoon musical notes with Michael Jackson, which I did because I am an innovator,maybe I wouldn’t be such a star today. So goes life. Always is the mountains / Always is the trees /Always is the ocean, always is the seas. I never realized how redundantthose lyrics were. Hey, thank you for this Academy Award for Dreamgirls. I just may put the statue in my butt. Put, put the statue in my butt…Put everything in your butt / Just start to sing about your butt /Feels real good / When you sing about your butt. Guess what time it is?You know what time it is. PARTY TIME. My Oscar wants to Party All The Time / Party all the time / Party all the ti-iiiime. I am BACK, world! Goodnight!”

OK your turn. Go.